Finding Your Purpose When the World Says You’re Nothing
By Carlos — Boxing coach. East LA. Reads Marcus Aurelius. Been through it all. ·
I was seventeen, sitting in a holding cell at the Hollenbeck station, staring at a concrete wall that had seen better days. That was the third time that year. I thought I was hard, thought I was somebody because I had a crew behind me and a chip on my shoulder the size of the Whittier Boulevard bridge. I didn’t know then that being ‘somebody’ on the streets is just a quick way to end up being nobody at all.
Then came Rudy. He didn’t care about my rap sheet or whose colors I was repping. He cared about my stance. He moved my feet, taught me how to rotate my hip into a cross, and told me that the only person I was fighting was the reflection in the mirror. That gym wasn’t just a place to sweat; it was a sanctuary. It was where I found out that I wasn’t a bad kid—I was a kid with nowhere to put his fire.
Finding your purpose isn’t some mystical thing that hits you like a lightning bolt while you’re meditating on a mountaintop. It’s dirty, it’s sweaty, and most of the time, it’s found in the wreckage of your own mistakes.
Stop Looking for a ‘Calling’ and Start Looking for the Work
We live in an age where everyone is obsessed with finding their ‘passion.’ They think purpose is a feeling. It isn’t. Purpose is an action.
Marcus Aurelius, one of the few guys I read who actually understood that life is a grind, wrote: ‘At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: I have to go to work—as a human being.’ You don’t need a purpose that pays a million bucks or makes you famous. You need a purpose that makes you get out of bed when you’d rather stay under the covers.
What is the thing you do that makes the hours disappear? For me, it’s seeing a kid walk into my gym with his head down and leaving three months later with his chin up. That’s the work. It’s not glorious, but it’s real. Look at what you’re already doing. If you’re a father, be the best father. If you’re a line cook, be the best damn cook. Purpose is found in the excellence of the task, not the title of the job.
Audit Your Environment
I couldn’t have found my purpose if I was still hanging out at the corner of Cesar Chavez and Soto. You are a product of your environment, but you’re also the architect of it. If your ‘friends’ are just waiting for the next disaster, you’re never going to find your center.
Take stock of who is around you. Does your circle challenge you to be better, or do they just validate your worst tendencies? You have to be willing to walk away from people who keep you small. It hurts. It feels like losing a limb. But like the hand injury that ended my pro career, you have to learn to adapt. Sometimes, you have to clear the deck to build something new.
The Three-Step Process to Finding Your ‘Why’
If you’re feeling lost, don’t overcomplicate it. Use this:
1. Do the Inventory: Write down everything you’ve been through. The trauma, the failures, the ‘I-can’t-believe-I-did-that’ moments. Now, look for the lesson. Did you learn patience? Resilience? How to handle pressure? Your purpose is usually hidden in your scars. 2. Identify the Gap: Where do you see a need that you can actually fill? Maybe it’s mentoring, maybe it’s fixing things, maybe it’s just being the guy who shows up when everyone else quits. Your purpose lies at the intersection of your skill and someone else’s need. 3. Commit to the Grind: Once you pick a direction, don’t look back. Don’t wait for motivation. Motivation is for people who think life is a movie. Discipline is for the rest of us. Show up every day for six months. If you’re still standing, you’ve found it.
The Stoic Reality Check
Here’s the truth: you might not have one ‘purpose.’ You might have seasons. My season as a fighter ended, and my season as a coach began. Maybe next year, it’ll be something else. Don’t get attached to the outcome. Get attached to the discipline.
Life in East LA taught me that you can lose everything in a heartbeat. The only thing you take with you is the content of your character and the work you put in for others. When you stop asking ‘What do I want from life?’ and start asking ‘What does life need from me?’, everything changes. You stop being a victim of your circumstances and start being the captain of the ship.
It’s not about finding yourself. It’s about creating yourself. One day at a time, one punch at a time.
Anyway, that’s just how I see it from the corner of the ring. You’ve got a lot of fight left in you, I know it. If you’re feeling stuck or just want to talk through some of the heavy stuff, my door at the gym is always open. Shoot me a message, let’s grab a coffee, and get you moving in the right direction.