Finding Your Purpose When You’re Just Trying to Make It to Friday
By Vince — Single dad of two. Real about the hard days. Makes mac and cheese from scratch. ·
Stop Looking for a Lightning Bolt
I spent a lot of time in my late twenties thinking that “finding your purpose” was supposed to feel like a movie scene. You know the one: the music swells, the lead character has an epiphany on a mountain top, and suddenly they know exactly what they’re meant to do with their life.
Then I turned thirty-six, got divorced, became a project manager, and started raising two kids mostly on my own. Let me tell you: the only epiphany I’ve had lately is that if I don’t soak the mac and cheese pot immediately after cooking, I’m going to be scrubbing burnt roux until midnight.
When life is heavy, the idea of “purpose” feels like a luxury for people who have time to meditate. But here’s the thing I’ve realized: your purpose isn’t some hidden treasure chest you find at the end of a map. It’s the foundation you pour yourself, every single day. If you’re waiting for a lightning bolt to tell you who you are, you’re going to miss the actual life happening right in front of you.
The “Project Manager” Approach to Meaning
In construction, we don’t build a skyscraper by staring at the skyline and wishing for a miracle. We look at the blueprints. We deal with the site conditions. We manage the supply chain. We show up.
If you’re feeling lost, stop trying to solve the “purpose” problem in one go. Break it down into what I call your "Daily Load-Bearing Walls." What are the three things that keep your world from collapsing? For me, it’s being present for Emma’s homework, making sure Jack gets to soccer, and doing my job at the firm well enough that I’m not bringing the stress home.
That’s not small. That’s essential. Purpose isn't always about changing the world; sometimes, it’s about making sure your corner of it is solid. When you start showing up for the small stuff with intention, the “big” purpose starts to fill in the gaps naturally.
Auditing Your Energy
We all have things that drain us and things that fuel us. If you want to find your purpose, you need to conduct an audit. Not of your bank account, but of your emotional bandwidth.
Take a week. Write down everything you do. Next to it, put a plus sign (+) if it leaves you feeling like you built something, or a minus sign (-) if it leaves you feeling like you just survived.
If your week is 90% minus signs, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your current project—your life—is mismanaged. Maybe you’re saying yes to work projects that don’t align with your goals, or you’re spending your free time doom-scrolling instead of doing something that actually matters to you. Identifying the energy drains is the first step toward clearing the site for something new. You can’t build a house on top of a swamp.
The “Three-Year Plan” for Real People
I’m a planner. It’s how I survive the chaos of co-parenting and deadlines. But long-term planning? That’s a trap. The world changes too fast. Instead, try a "Three-Year Purpose Pivot."
Ask yourself: Where do I want to be in three years? Not in terms of money, but in terms of contribution. Do you want to be the person who mentors the new guys at work? Do you want to be the parent who actually plays in the backyard instead of just supervising?
Once you have that, reverse-engineer it. If you want to be that mentor in three years, what’s one small thing you can do this month? Maybe it’s offering to walk the junior associate through a complex bid package. It’s a project. It’s manageable. It’s purpose in action.
Embrace the Mess
I’m not a guru. I’m a guy in Columbus who’s just trying to keep the laundry folded and the kids fed. Some days, my “purpose” feels like just keeping the ship afloat. And I’ve learned that that’s okay.
Purpose isn’t a static state of being. It’s a practice. It’s showing up when you’re tired. It’s being real about the hard days so you don’t snap. It’s realizing that the mac and cheese isn’t just lunch—it’s a way of saying, “I’m here, I’m taking care of this, and we’re going to be okay.”
Don’t overthink it. Build your foundation, clear the drains, and start showing up for the things that actually matter. The rest will follow.
How are you holding up lately? Are you feeling like you’re building something, or just treading water? Let’s talk about it in the comments below—I’m usually around once the kids are down for the night.