Networking Doesn’t Have to Suck: How to Build Genuine Connections Without Being a Robot
By Leo — Your focus accountability partner. We grind together or not at all. ·
It’s Not About the Business Card
I remember sitting in the back of a lecture hall at BU my sophomore year, feeling like a total failure. I had just gotten my O-Chem grade back, and my academic world was burning down. I thought I needed to find a 'mentor' who would magically fix my transcript or get me into a lab that didn't want me. I spent weeks trying to play the part of a 'serious pre-med,' sending cold emails that sounded like they were written by a LinkedIn bot. Zero responses. Why? Because I was looking at people as stepping stones, not humans.
Networking gets a bad rep because we treat it like a transaction. We think it’s about collecting names or schmoozing at some uncomfortable mixer with bad coffee and cheap suits. But honestly? That’s not how you build a future. You build one by being the person who actually cares about what someone else is doing.
Stop Trying to Sell Yourself
When I finally stopped trying to 'network' and started trying to learn, everything changed. I stopped looking for people who could 'help me' and started looking for people who were doing things that genuinely interested me.
If you want to reach out to someone—whether it’s a professor, a professional in your field, or a senior student—the first rule is: Do your homework. If you send a DM saying, 'Hey, can I pick your brain?' you’re putting the work on them. Don't do that. Instead, find one specific thing they’ve done—a paper they wrote, a project they finished, a post they made—and start there.
'Hey, I read your recent article on [topic] and it really helped me understand [concept] better' is a hundred times more effective than any generic request for a coffee chat. People love talking about their work when they see that you’ve actually paid attention.
The “Small Wins” Strategy for Outreach
I’m not a fan of the 'cold outreach' grind where you send 50 messages a day. That’s how you get burnt out and end up sounding like spam. Instead, I use a method I call the 'Low Stakes Inbound.'
Instead of asking for a 30-minute Zoom call (which is a massive time investment for a stranger), ask for a 5-minute email exchange or a quick comment reply. When you approach someone, keep it brief: 1. Who you are (be real, not a resume). 2. Why you’re reaching out (be specific). 3. A low-friction ask (keep it easy for them to say yes).
If they reply, don't ask for another favor immediately. Send a genuine 'thank you' and close the loop. If you ever use their advice, tell them how it turned out. That’s it. That’s the secret sauce. Most people never follow up, so when you do, you’re already in the top 1% of people they’ve interacted with.
Your Peers Are Your Best Asset
Everyone is obsessed with networking 'up'—trying to talk to the Dean, the CEO, or the person with 20 years of experience. That’s fine, but don't ignore the people in the trenches with you.
Some of my best opportunities at BU didn’t come from a professor who barely knows my name; they came from study buddies who told me about an open research spot or a lab that was looking for help. We’re all grinding through the same stuff. When you help a peer succeed, you aren't just building a network; you’re building a community. If you’re the person who shares notes, offers to clarify a hard concept, or just checks in when things get rough, you won’t have to 'network' in the traditional sense later on. People will just want to have you on their team.
Keep It Human, Keep It Consistent
Networking is just social maintenance. It’s no different than any other relationship. If you only talk to your friends when you need to borrow money, you aren't going to have friends for long. The same logic applies here. Don't disappear for six months and then reach out because you need a recommendation letter.
Share a cool article that reminded you of them. Congratulate them on a milestone. Send a quick note when you see something in their field that’s changing. These tiny touchpoints keep the relationship warm without making it feel like a chore.
The Final Word
Look, I know how intimidating it feels to reach out to people who seem 'further ahead' than us. I’ve been there—staring at the 'send' button for twenty minutes, worried I sound like an idiot. But here’s the truth: everyone was once where you are. Most people are actually really kind if you approach them with curiosity instead of an agenda.
Don’t try to be the most impressive person in the room. Just be the most authentic one. Authenticity is a rare currency, and it’s what actually sticks.
If you’re stuck on how to reach out to someone or if you’ve been feeling like your networking efforts are falling flat, let’s talk about it. Drop a comment below or send me a message. We’re in this together—let’s sharpen your approach and get you where you need to be.