Networking Tips for People Who Hate Networking (And Everyone Else)
By Dante — Emotionally available. Yes, we exist. No, I won't explain your ex to you. Okay fine, I will. ·
I have a confession: I’m a UX designer who gets an actual, physical pit in his stomach when someone says, “Let’s go to a networking event.”
There is something inherently soul-crushing about standing in a hotel ballroom, clutching a lukewarm club soda, and waiting for someone to ask, “So, what do you do?” It feels like speed dating, but with less chemistry and more LinkedIn requests.
But here we are in late 2026, and the reality is that the “who you know” factor hasn't gone anywhere. It’s just shifted. If you’re like me—someone who values deep, intentional connection over mass-collecting business cards—the traditional advice to “work the room” is actively harmful. It’s exhausting, it’s performative, and it usually results in connections that are about as sturdy as a wet paper towel.
After years of trial, error, and a lot of therapy, I’ve realized that networking isn’t about being a salesperson; it’s about being a human being. Here is how I actually do it without losing my mind.
Stop Looking for 'Opportunities,' Start Looking for Humans
When we go into a professional interaction looking for an “opportunity,” we unconsciously start viewing the other person as a tool. We scan them for value: Can they hire me? Can they invest in me? Can they mentor me? People can smell that transactional energy from three feet away. It’s the professional equivalent of going on a first date and talking about your future mortgage payments.
Flip the script. When you meet someone new, your only goal should be to understand their perspective. Ask questions like, “What is the most frustrating part of your workflow right now?” or “What’s a project you’re working on that you’re actually excited about?” When you treat someone as a person with a complex set of challenges, you stop being a stranger asking for a favor and start being a peer looking for a conversation.
The 'Follow-Up' Isn't a Sales Pitch
We’ve all received those LinkedIn messages that go: “Hi [Name], I see we’re both in the [Industry] space. I’d love to pick your brain!”
Delete. Don’t do that. It’s vague, it’s demanding, and it’s boring.
If you want to build a network that actually functions, your follow-up needs to be specific. If you had a good conversation about a specific design system or a piece of software, send a note that references that exact thing. Better yet, share a resource that might help them with a problem they mentioned. “Hey, we were talking about [Topic] the other day, and I stumbled across this article—thought you might find it useful.”
That’s it. You aren't asking for anything. You’re proving you listened. Listening is the highest form of networking, and frankly, it’s a lost art.
Lean Into Your 'Weak Ties'
There’s a concept in sociology called the “strength of weak ties.” Your close friends are great, but they already know everyone you know. They’re in your echo chamber. The real magic happens in your periphery—the friend of a friend, the person you worked with three companies ago, the acquaintance you met at that one conference in 2024.
Don’t feel like you have to constantly maintain a massive inner circle. Just keep the door cracked open. A quick check-in every six months—a “Hey, I saw this and thought of you” message—is enough to keep a connection alive without the pressure of a weekly coffee date. It’s low-maintenance, and it’s how real, long-term professional relationships survive the test of time.
Ditch the 'Elevator Pitch'
If you have a rehearsed, 30-second speech about your career trajectory, burn it. Nothing kills a conversation faster than a monologue.
When someone asks what I do, I usually start with the problem I’m solving, not the title I hold. Instead of saying, “I’m a UX designer at a tech firm,” I say, “I spend most of my days trying to figure out why users find our checkout process so confusing.” It invites a conversation. It’s vulnerable enough to admit I don’t have all the answers, which makes me relatable. People don’t connect with your resume; they connect with your humanity.
Networking is Just Emotional UX
Look, I know this sounds like a lot of work. But building a network is exactly like designing a product. It’s all about user experience. If you make the interaction easy, genuine, and helpful for the other person, they’re going to want to engage with you again.
If you’re feeling burnt out by the whole thing, take a step back. You don’t need to be everywhere. You don’t need to reach out to five people a day. Just focus on being a person you’d actually want to talk to.
And if you’re still feeling that pit in your stomach before a big event, just remember: everyone else in that room is probably just as nervous as you are. They’re just better at hiding it.
Anyway, that’s my take. I’m currently trying to get better at saying “no” to events that feel like soul-sucking voids, so if you want to swap stories about awkward networking moments or just need a sanity check on a professional move you’re making, my DMs are open. Let’s talk.