Networking Tips That Aren’t Just Small Talk in Disguise
By Dante — Emotionally available. Yes, we exist. No, I won't explain your ex to you. Okay fine, I will. ·
The 'Networking' Ick
Let’s be real: the word 'networking' feels like a sweaty palm in a hotel ballroom. It feels inherently transactional, like we’re all just human business cards waiting to be shoved into a pocket and forgotten. I’m a UX designer, so my job is essentially to make things easier for people, not harder. And the current state of professional networking? It’s a terrible user experience.
Most people approach networking like they approach dating apps: they cast a wide net, optimize their profile for maximum clicks, and hope something sticks. But just like in dating, if you’re trying to appeal to everyone, you end up appealing to no one—and you definitely don’t build anything sturdy.
I’ve learned more about human connection from my five-year relationship (and the subsequent two years of therapy it took to unpack it) than I ever did from a LinkedIn seminar. If you want to build a professional network that doesn't feel like a chore, you have to stop acting like a marketer and start acting like a human.
Stop 'Building' and Start 'Connecting'
We talk about 'building a network' like it’s a brick-and-mortar project. It’s not. It’s an ecosystem. If you go into an interaction trying to extract something—a referral, a lead, a job offer—people can smell it. It’s the same energy as someone on a first date asking where you see yourself in five years before the appetizers arrive. It’s off-putting.
Instead, focus on low-stakes curiosity. When you reach out to someone, stop with the 'I’d love to pick your brain' line. It’s vague, it’s demanding, and frankly, it’s boring. Try this instead: ask a specific, thoughtful question about something they’ve actually produced.
If you see someone in your field posting about a project or an insight, engage with the content. Not the 'Great post!' comment that bots leave, but a real thought. A reply that adds value or asks a question that shows you actually read their work. You’re building familiarity before you ever slide into the DMs.
The 'Vulnerability' Leverage
Look, I know we’re all tired of hearing about 'authenticity.' It’s the buzzword of the decade. But in professional circles, being real is actually a competitive advantage because nobody does it.
When I’m talking to someone who might be a mentor or a peer, I don’t pretend I have it all figured out. If I’m struggling with a specific design challenge or a career frustration, I’ll say it. There’s a specific kind of trust that forms when you admit you don’t have all the answers. It makes the other person feel safe to drop their own guard.
Networking, at its core, is just social navigation. If you’re constantly performing 'Success,' you’re never going to find people who are actually going to help you when things get messy. And trust me, your career is going to get messy. You want people in your corner who know the real you, not the curated LinkedIn version.
How to Follow Up Without Being 'That Guy'
The biggest mistake people make is not the initial reach-out; it’s the follow-up. Or rather, the lack thereof. We treat networking like a one-off event.
If you have a great conversation with someone, set a reminder for three months. Not a reminder to ask them for a favor, but a reminder to send them a 'Hey, I saw this article/tool/meme and thought of what we talked about' message. That’s it. No ask. Just closing the loop. It proves you were listening. In a world full of people shouting into the void, being the person who remembers a specific detail from a conversation three months later makes you unforgettable.
The 'No-Pressure' Pivot
If you’re someone who actually hates networking, stop trying to do it at conferences or formal mixers. Those environments are designed for people who thrive on surface-level stimulation. If you’re a deep-diver, do your networking in the deep end.
Go to the niche workshops, the smaller community meetups, or the Slack channels where the actual work is happening. You don’t need to meet 50 people. You need to meet two people who you actually respect and who respect you back.
A Final Note on Boundaries
Finally, give yourself permission to bail. If you’re in a conversation that feels like it’s going nowhere or the energy is off, you’re allowed to exit politely. 'It was great meeting you, I’m going to go grab another drink/check in with someone else' is a perfectly acceptable sentence.
Networking is just like any other relationship. If it’s draining your battery rather than charging it, you’re doing it wrong. Focus on the people who make you feel like your brain is working a little faster, or like you’re allowed to be honest about the challenges you’re facing. Everything else is just noise.
Anyway, I’m curious—what’s the weirdest or best way you’ve actually made a real connection lately? Come find me on the platform and tell me about it. I promise I won't try to sell you anything.