Networking Tips That Don’t Feel Like a Soul-Sucking Transaction
By Diana — Burned out at 42. Rebuilt by 44. The cool aunt energy you need. ·
Back in 2021, when I was still the VP of Marketing at a company that shall remain nameless, 'networking' meant one thing: collecting business cards like I was playing a high-stakes game of Pokémon. I’d show up to those fluorescent-lit hotel ballrooms in downtown Chicago, clutching a lukewarm glass of Chardonnay, scanning the room for the most 'valuable' person to talk to.
I was a master of the elevator pitch. I could tell you my KPIs, my team size, and my five-year trajectory in thirty seconds flat. I was performing success. And honestly? I was miserable. When the burnout hit and the health scare followed, I realized that my entire professional circle was built on transactional utility. Nobody knew me; they knew my title. When the title went away, so did most of the ‘network.’
Fast forward to 2026. My life looks different. I’m remarried to Paul, my teenager’s math homework is currently giving me an ulcer, and I run my coaching practice on my own terms. Networking isn’t a chore anymore—it’s how I cultivate my garden. Here is how you do it without losing your soul.
Stop Hunting for 'Value' and Start Looking for Humans
The biggest mistake people make is viewing networking as a search for a mentor, a recruiter, or a potential client. That’s not networking; that’s prospecting. When you approach someone as a 'resource,' you’re already behind. You’re signaling that you only care about what they can do for you.
Instead, practice 'Curiosity-First' engagement. When you meet someone new, ask questions that have nothing to do with their LinkedIn profile. Ask what they’re reading, what’s frustrating them about their current industry, or what they’ve changed their mind about lately. When you treat people like humans rather than career stepping stones, the connection actually sticks. It’s the difference between a cold lead and a genuine ally.
The 'Cool Aunt' Rules of Follow-Up
We’ve all received those robotic follow-up emails: “It was great meeting you, let’s keep in touch!” It’s filler. It’s noise. It goes straight to the archive folder.
If you want to build a real network, you need to be the person who actually remembers the human details. If they mentioned their kid is struggling with college applications, send them a link to a helpful article about the process a week later. If they mentioned they love a specific genre of indie film, send a text when you see a trailer that reminds you of them. It’s low-pressure, high-impact, and it says: I was listening. This isn’t a strategy; it’s just being a decent person. And in a world of AI-generated networking scripts, being 'real' is your biggest competitive advantage.
Audit Your 'Inner Circle' Regularly
I used to think a big network was better. Now, I know that a deep network is the only thing that matters. I do a quarterly audit of my connections. I look at who I’m spending my energy on. Are these people who challenge me? Do they celebrate my wins without jealousy? Are they willing to tell me when I’m being an idiot?
If you’re hanging out with people who only talk about the 'grind' and how many hours they pulled this week, that’s going to be your reality. You need a mix of mentors, peers, and people who are just starting out. I love mentoring younger professionals because they keep me honest. They challenge my assumptions about how 'things have always been done.' If your network is an echo chamber, it’s time to diversify your input.
Forget the Pitch, Focus on the Narrative
People don’t remember your accomplishments; they remember how you made them feel and the story you told about your journey. When someone asks 'What do you do?', don't recite your resume. Tell them what you’re currently obsessed with solving.
'I’m a career coach' is boring. 'I help burnt-out executives figure out if they actually want a new job or if they just need a better therapist'—that’s a conversation starter. Own your narrative, including the messy parts. Vulnerability is a magnet for high-quality connections. When you stop pretending you have it all figured out, you give everyone else permission to drop the mask, too.
Networking is a Long Game of Planting Seeds
I’m 47 now. I’ve learned that the best opportunities don’t come from the person you met at a conference last week. They come from the relationship you’ve been nurturing for three years, where you helped them out when they were down, and they remembered you when the right role opened up.
Stop trying to 'win' a connection. Stop thinking about who you need to know to get to the next level. Instead, focus on being the kind of person who is helpful, interesting, and kind. The rest? It tends to sort itself out.
Building a network is like building a blended family—it takes patience, a lot of communication, and a willingness to show up even when it’s inconvenient. But the payoff? It’s a group of people who have your back when life gets weird. And trust me, life is always going to get a little weird.
How are you feeling about your current circle? Does it drain you or fuel you? Hit 'reply' and let me know—I’m always in the inbox, and I’d love to hear what’s on your mind.