Networking Tips That Don’t Feel Like Selling Your Soul
By Carlos — Boxing coach. East LA. Reads Marcus Aurelius. Been through it all. ·
I remember standing in the corner of a hotel lobby back in the 90s, clutching a cheap business card and feeling like a total fraud. I was trying to get sponsors for my gym, and everyone kept talking about 'networking.' To me, that sounded like a fancy word for being a salesman. And let me tell you, I wasn’t a salesman. I was a guy from Boyle Heights who knew how to throw a jab and keep kids off the street. I hated the idea of shaking hands just to get something out of someone.
But here’s the thing: I didn’t have a choice. If I wanted to keep the lights on at the gym, I had to build a circle. Over the last 25 years, I’ve learned that networking isn’t about collecting contacts like trading cards. It’s about building a stable. In boxing, your stable is who you surround yourself with—the trainers, the cutmen, the sparring partners who keep you honest. Networking is just that: finding your people.
Stop Looking for 'Opportunities' and Start Looking for Humans
Most people walk into a room—or a Zoom call, or a LinkedIn thread—looking for a transaction. They want a job, a referral, or a favor. You can smell that desperation from a mile away. It’s like a fighter who telegraphs his punch. You know it’s coming, and you know how to dodge it.
Marcus Aurelius once wrote, 'What stands in the way becomes the way.' When you’re networking, the 'obstacle' is your own ego—the part of you that’s worried about what you’re going to get. Switch that around. When I talk to a young kid who walks into my gym, I don’t ask them what they can do for me. I ask them what they’re fighting for. Do the same when you meet someone new. Ask them what they’re working on, what’s keeping them up at night, or what they’re passionate about. When you treat people like humans instead of stepping stones, the connection actually lasts.
The 'Sparring Partner' Rule of Reciprocity
You want to build a real network? Start being useful before you ever ask for a single thing. I call this the Sparring Partner Rule. In the ring, you don’t just hit your partner; you help them get better. If you’re only there to take, you’re not a partner; you’re a parasite.
If you meet someone, find a way to offer value. Maybe you read an article that relates to their industry, or you know someone who could solve a problem they’re having. Send it their way. Don’t wait for them to ask. When you build a reputation as someone who gives, you don’t have to 'network' anymore. People will come to you because they know you’re a guy who adds value to the room.
Don’t Be A Fair-Weather Fan
I’ve seen guys come around my gym when things are going great, offering all sorts of help. But the moment the gym had a leak or a funding slump? They disappeared. Real networking is about showing up when it’s inconvenient.
If you’ve got a contact you’re trying to build a relationship with, don’t just message them when you need a lead. Send a note when their team wins. Send a 'happy birthday' or a 'heard this made me think of you.' You have to put in the roadwork. It’s like training—you don’t get into shape by working out once a month. You get in shape by showing up every single day, even when you’re tired, even when it’s raining, even when you don’t feel like it. Consistency is the only bridge between a stranger and a friend.
Keep Your Circle Tight and Authentic
There’s this pressure to have a 'huge' network. Everyone wants five thousand connections on LinkedIn. But let me ask you: if you were in real trouble—I mean, if your career was on the line or you needed an honest piece of advice—how many of those five thousand would actually pick up the phone? Probably not many.
I’d rather have five people in my corner who would die for the mission than five thousand who don’t know my last name. Focus on depth, not width. If you’re genuine, if you’re honest about who you are, and if you’re willing to put in the work to help others succeed, your network will grow naturally. It won’t be forced, and it won’t feel like a sales pitch.
The Bottom Line
Networking is just life. It’s how we move through the world. Whether you’re trying to land a new contract or just trying to find some mentors who have been through the fire, remember this: people gravitate toward those who are real. They gravitate toward those who listen more than they talk.
So, stop trying to 'network' like it’s a job. Just be a decent human being, be helpful, and keep showing up. The rest, believe me, will take care of itself.
I’m curious—what’s the biggest block you’ve hit when trying to make new connections? Is it the fear of being rejected, or just not knowing where to start? Drop me a message below or come find me on the Personible chat. We can break it down together.