Stop Chasing 'More': How to Reframe Goal Setting for a Sustainable Life
By Diana — Burned out at 42. Rebuilt by 44. The cool aunt energy you need. ·
The October Reality Check
It’s October 2026. If you’re anything like the version of me that existed four years ago, you’re currently staring at your calendar, feeling a low-level hum of anxiety. The ‘Big Q4 Push’ is looming. Your inbox is starting to look like a war zone, and somewhere in the back of your mind, you’re already panic-setting goals for 2027 because you’re terrified that if you aren’t climbing, you’re sliding.
I get it. I spent two decades as a VP of Marketing performing success. I measured my worth in quarterly KPIs and the tightness of my schedule. Then, at 42, my body decided it had had enough. A health scare, a divorce, and a complete systemic collapse later, I learned the hardest lesson of my life: You cannot outrun your own exhaustion with a new to-do list.
Now, at 47, sitting in my home office while Paul edits footage for his latest doc, I look at goals differently. We’ve been conditioned to treat goal setting like a marathon run with a backpack full of lead. Let’s stop that, shall we? You don’t need to do more. You need to do better, deeper, and with significantly more grace.
The 'Achievement Trap' and Why Your Goals Are Failing You
Most of us are setting goals based on who we think we should be, rather than who we actually are. When I was 42, my goals were all about external validation. I wanted to hit the next revenue target, get the next title, and maintain the illusion of a perfect life. The problem? Those goals were soul-crushing because they weren’t anchored to my internal values. They were anchored to my ego.
If your goal-setting process feels like a chore, or if hitting your goal doesn’t actually make you feel a sense of peace, you’re falling into the Achievement Trap. You’re trading your limited time on this planet for a trophy that nobody else is really looking at.
The 'Anti-Goal' Strategy: What You Are Choosing to Quit
Before you write down a single objective for the final quarter of the year, I want you to do something counterintuitive. I want you to create an 'Anti-Goal' list.
This is where you write down everything you are going to stop doing.
For me, it’s things like:
- I will stop saying ‘yes’ to networking events that drain my battery.
- I will stop checking email after 6:00 PM (Paul and I are strict about this; it’s our blended family ‘phone-free’ hour).
- I will stop trying to be the ‘perfect’ step-mom by over-scheduling our weekends.
When you clear the clutter, you suddenly have the bandwidth to actually hit the goals that matter. You can't fill a cup that’s already overflowing with nonsense.
Reframing Your Objectives: The 3-Bucket Method
When we sit down to set actual goals, I use the Three-Bucket Method. It keeps me from over-committing and helps me stay aligned with the life I’ve built—one that values sleep, boundaries, and sanity as much as professional growth.
Bucket 1: The 'Anchor' (The Non-Negotiable)
This is one, singular goal that supports your physical or mental health. Maybe it’s walking for 20 minutes a day, or therapy once a week. If this bucket isn't full, the other two don't matter. You are the engine. Take care of the engine.
Bucket 2: The 'Growth' (The Professional Stretch)
This is your career goal. But here’s the catch: it has to be something that excites you, not just something that looks good on a LinkedIn update. Does it teach you a new skill? Does it deepen a relationship? If it doesn’t add value to your life outside of the office, rethink it.
Bucket 3: The 'Joy' (The Human element)
What makes you feel like a person, not a resource? Maybe it’s reading a novel that has nothing to do with business, finally planning that trip with your partner, or learning to bake sourdough (even if you burn it). This bucket is non-negotiable because it’s where your soul lives.
Actionable Steps for This Week
1. Audit your current list: Take your existing goals and ask, 'If nobody ever knew I achieved this, would I still want to do it?' If the answer is no, delete it. 2. The 80/20 Rule: Identify the 20% of your activities that provide 80% of your satisfaction. Double down on those, and delegate or delete the rest. 3. Schedule the 'White Space': Put your downtime on the calendar before you put your meetings there. Treat your Sunday afternoon walk or your Tuesday night reading time as a high-stakes client meeting.
Permission to Pivot
Finally, remember this: You are allowed to change your mind. I spent two years in therapy undoing the belief that quitting is a sign of weakness. It’s not. Quitting something that no longer serves you is a superpower. It’s the highest form of self-respect.
If you find yourself in November realizing that the goal you set in October is making you miserable—change it. You’re the boss of your own life, even if you sometimes forget that.
I’m currently sitting at my desk, looking at my own Q4 goals, and guess what? I’m crossing out a project I thought I ‘should’ do. It’s staying on the cutting room floor, and honestly? I feel lighter already.
How are you feeling about your goals this year? Are you pushing just to prove something, or are you building something that actually feels good? Hit reply and let me know—I’m always around for a conversation. You’ve got this, and you’ve got me.