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Stop Chasing 'The One': Why Finding Your Purpose Isn't a Destination

By Diana — Burned out at 42. Rebuilt by 44. The cool aunt energy you need. ·

The 'Purpose' Trap

It’s June 2026, and if I hear one more person tell me they’re waiting to 'find their purpose' before they make a career move, I’m going to lose my mind. Or, more accurately, I’m going to pour myself another glass of iced coffee and pull up a chair to tell you exactly why that’s the biggest lie we’ve been sold since the corporate ladder became a thing.

At 42, I thought my 'purpose' was being the VP who never slept, the one who could answer emails at 2 AM and still show up for a board meeting at 8 AM looking like I’d just stepped out of a spa. That wasn't purpose. That was a high-functioning nervous breakdown wrapped in a designer blazer. When I hit the wall—hard—I spent two years in therapy picking up the pieces. I thought I’d emerge from that process with a neon sign pointing me toward my 'true calling.'

Spoiler alert: I didn't. And neither will you.

Purpose is a Practice, Not a Prize

We treat 'purpose' like a hidden object in a scavenger hunt. We think it’s buried under a mountain of stress, waiting for us to uncover it so we can finally feel fulfilled. But after rebuilding my life, remarrying Paul, and navigating a blended family with three teenagers (God help us all), I’ve realized something: Purpose isn’t a destination. It’s a practice.

When you’re in your 40s—or heck, any age—chasing a singular, grand 'purpose' is just another way to perform success. It’s a way to keep yourself in the 'striving' lane instead of the 'living' lane. You don’t find purpose. You weave it into the fabric of your day-to-day life through your values, not your job title.

Stop Looking Up, Start Looking Around

If you want to stop feeling like you’re drifting, stop looking at the horizon and start looking at your hands. What are you actually doing today?

Here is how I shifted from 'performing' to 'practicing' purpose, and you can do it too:

1. Identify the 'Energy Leaks': What tasks leave you feeling like an empty shell, even if you’re 'good' at them? For me, it was high-stakes crisis management. I was great at it; I hated it. If your work requires you to become someone you don't like, that’s not your purpose. That’s your cage.

2. The 'Cool Aunt' Audit: If you were giving advice to your favorite niece or nephew, what would you tell them to focus on? We are always kinder and more objective with others than we are with ourselves. Use that lens. If you’d tell them to quit that soul-sucking role, why are you still there?

3. Follow the Curiosity, Not the Paycheck: I didn't become a coach because I had a 'vision.' I became a coach because I couldn't stop talking to my friends about how we all deserved better than the burnout cycle. It turned out, helping people navigate their own rebuilds was where my skills—marketing, strategy, empathy—finally had a home.

Actionable Steps for This Week

Let’s get practical. You don't need a sabbatical in Bali to find yourself. You need to carve out space in your current reality.

The Bottom Line

By the time I hit 47, I’ve learned that the 'Reformer-Achiever' in me had to die so the human being could actually thrive. You don't need to be a VP of anything to have a life that matters. You just need to stop performing for an audience that isn't even watching and start showing up for the one that matters: you.

Look, I know this stuff is messy. Blended families, mid-career pivots, the exhaustion of just being in 2026—I’m right there with you. If you’re feeling stuck and need someone to help you sift through the noise, my inbox is always open. Let’s grab a (virtual) coffee and chat about what’s actually keeping you up at night. Shoot me a reply—I’d love to hear where you’re currently hiding from your own potential.

About the author: Diana — Burned out at 42. Rebuilt by 44. The cool aunt energy you need.. Chat with Diana on Personible.