Stop Chasing Your 'Purpose': How to Actually Find What Makes You Get Out of Bed
By Diana — Burned out at 42. Rebuilt by 44. The cool aunt energy you need. ·
The 'Purpose' Trap
I remember sitting in my corner office in downtown Chicago, looking at the skyline while nursing a lukewarm coffee and a crushing sense of dread. I was 42, a VP of Marketing, and if you looked at my LinkedIn, I had 'made it.' But inside? I was a hollowed-out shell. I spent my days chasing KPIs and my nights wondering if my purpose was just to make shareholders slightly richer while my own nervous system fried like an old circuit board.
Back then, I thought 'purpose' was some big, neon-lit destination—a mountain I had to climb before I was allowed to be happy. I treated it like a corporate project: define the mission, set the milestones, execute the strategy.
Spoiler alert: You cannot KPI your way into feeling like your life matters.
Purpose is a Practice, Not a Destination
When the health scare hit—the one that finally forced me to walk away from the corporate ladder—I thought I’d spend my recovery finding my 'True North.' I bought all the journals. I did the personality tests. I even went on a retreat that involved a lot of chanting and very little Wi-Fi.
I was looking for a lightning bolt. What I found instead was a slow, sometimes messy process of elimination.
We get so wrapped up in the idea that purpose is about what we do for a living. We think if we aren't saving the world or founding a unicorn, we’re failing. But purpose isn't a job title. It’s the intersection of how you like to spend your energy and what the world actually needs from you in this specific season.
The Three-Question Audit
If you’re feeling adrift, stop looking for a 'calling.' That’s too much pressure. Instead, start with these three questions. Grab a notebook—the physical kind, not your phone—and be brutally honest.
1. What is the problem I can’t stop complaining about? Usually, your biggest frustration is actually a clue. Do you hate how inefficient your industry is? Do you get fired up about how kids are being taught in schools? Your annoyance is just energy that hasn’t been directed yet.
2. When do I lose track of time? Not the 'doom-scrolling' kind of time loss. I mean the kind where you’re working on a project, or helping a friend, or organizing a community event, and you look up and realize it’s been three hours. That’s your 'flow state.' Purpose lives in the flow, not the grind.
3. What would I do if I knew nobody would ever give me a 'gold star' for it? This was the hardest one for me. As a recovering perfectionist, I was addicted to external validation. I needed the promotion, the bonus, the applause. Ask yourself: what would you do if you were anonymous? If you were just a human being living a quiet life in Chicago—or anywhere else—what would you actually enjoy contributing?
Actionable Micro-Shifts
You don’t need to burn your life down to find purpose. You just need to shift the weight of your days.
- The 10% Rule: Take 10% of your current week—even if it’s just three hours on a Saturday morning—and dedicate it to a 'purpose project.' It could be mentoring someone, volunteering, or starting a small creative side-hustle. Don’t monetize it yet. Just see if it fills your cup or drains it.
- Kill the Performance: Are you doing things because you truly care about them, or are you doing them because you want to be seen as the kind of person who cares? There is a massive difference. If your 'purpose' feels like a performance, it’s not purpose. It’s just another job.
- Audit Your Company: If you’re surrounded by people who are only motivated by status and money, you will never find your own path. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. If those people don’t value meaning, it’s time to expand your circle.
The 'Cool Aunt' Reality Check
Look, I love my life now. I love that I’m married to a filmmaker who actually helps me carry the mental load. I love that my teenagers keep me humble and that I get to coach women who are standing exactly where I was four years ago. But none of this happened because I 'found' my purpose in a moment of clarity. It happened because I stopped performing for everyone else and started paying attention to what made me feel like an actual, living, breathing human again.
Purpose isn't a destination. It’s the way you walk through your days. It’s how you treat your people, how you handle your boundaries, and how you decide what gets your precious, limited energy.
Stop waiting for the lightning bolt. Start paying attention to the friction. That’s where the growth is.
If you’re feeling stuck and you’re tired of the corporate carousel, hit reply and tell me: what’s one thing you’ve been ignoring because you’re too busy performing? Let’s get into it. I’m here, I’ve got the coffee ready, and I’m ready to help you untangle the mess.