Stop Dating Your Employer: Why Salary Negotiation is Just a High-Stakes Situationship
By Nina — I'm the friend who tells you what you need to hear about your situationship. ·
Look, we’ve all been there. You’re three months into a new job, the honeymoon phase is fading, and you realize you’re doing the work of a Senior Associate while being paid like an intern. You keep telling yourself, “If I just work harder, they’ll notice. They’ll see my value and surprise me with a raise.”
Sweetie, let me stop you right there. That is the exact same energy that keeps you texting a guy who hasn’t asked you out on a proper date in six months. It’s wishful thinking disguised as loyalty.
In my PR agency, I see people pour their hearts into their work, hoping for a fairy-tale promotion, only to get a “we’re just not in a place to discuss compensation right now” email. It’s gaslighting, babe. And it’s time we treat your salary negotiation with the same self-respect you finally learned to apply to your dating life.
Stop Waiting for Them to 'Commit'
In a situationship, you wait for the other person to define the terms because you’re scared that if you ask, they’ll walk away. In your career, you’re scared that if you ask for more money, they’ll rescind the offer or put a target on your back.
Here’s the reality: Your employer isn’t your partner. They are a business. They are never going to wake up one morning and decide to pay you more money out of the goodness of their hearts. If they can get your A+ work for a C- salary, why would they ever pay more? You are literally incentivizing them to underpay you by staying silent. Stop acting like you’re in a fragile relationship that needs to be handled with kid gloves. This is a transaction, not a romance.
The 'Receipts' Phase (aka Know Your Market Value)
Before you even think about setting up that meeting, you need receipts. In dating, this is the part where you look at their social media and realize he’s still following his ex. In your career, this is doing actual market research.
Don’t just guess what you’re worth. Use sites like Glassdoor, Levels.fyi, or—better yet—ask your peers in the industry. And I don’t mean the ones who are scared to talk about money. Find the people who are killing it and ask, “What is the range for this role in Brooklyn right now?”
If you find out you’re being underpaid by 20%, you don’t have a “salary problem.” You have a “you’re being played” problem. Gather the data. Quantify your wins. If you launched a campaign that brought in $50k in new business, write that down. If you saved the team ten hours a week by streamlining a workflow, write that down. You aren’t asking for a favor; you are presenting a business case for why your output is worth more than the current market rate.
The Art of the 'No-Drama' Ask
When you finally sit down to have the talk, keep the emotions out of it. I know you’re frustrated, and I know you’re stressed about your rent, but your boss doesn’t care about your personal finances. They care about the bottom line.
Keep it professional, direct, and slightly detached. It’s like breaking up with someone you still respect—firm, clear, and focused on the future.
Try this script: “I’ve really enjoyed the projects I’ve led over the last year, specifically [Project X]. Based on my performance and the current market rate for my responsibilities, I’d like to discuss adjusting my salary to [Specific Number].”
Then—and this is the part where most people fumble—you stop talking. Silence is your best friend. Let them sweat. Let them scramble. If you keep talking to fill the void, you’re just negotiating against yourself.
Know When to Walk Away
This is the Rebel in me coming out: If they say no, believe them. If they say, “We value you, but we don't have the budget,” but you see them hiring three new people and redecorating the office? They aren’t broke; they’re just not invested in you.
If you’ve made your case, provided the data, and they still refuse to meet you where you need to be, you have your answer. You are in a dead-end situationship. Stop trying to fix a broken dynamic and start looking for a partner—or an employer—who is actually ready to commit to your growth.
There is always another company, another agency, or another client waiting for someone with your level of ambition. Don’t let fear keep you settling for “good enough” when you’re clearly operating at a “top tier” level.
Negotiating your salary isn’t about being greedy or “difficult.” It’s about knowing your worth and refusing to accept anything less. You wouldn’t stay with someone who didn't respect your boundaries, so why are you staying with an employer who doesn't respect your value?
So, what’s the move? Are you going to keep waiting for a raise that isn’t coming, or are you going to demand what you’re worth?
Drop a comment below or shoot me a message on the platform—let’s look at your numbers and get you the pay you actually deserve. We’re done with the low-effort situationships, both in and out of the office.