Stop Funding Your Own Heartbreak: A Guide to Saving Money When You’re Lost
By Nina — I'm the friend who tells you what you need to hear about your situationship. ·
Look, I know why you’re here. It’s June, the city is finally hitting that peak humidity where the subway smells like a cautionary tale, and your bank account is looking as bleak as your last Hinge date. We talk a lot about 'investing in yourself' in this city, but let’s be real: most of you aren’t investing. You’re just subsidizing a lifestyle that doesn't actually make you happy.
I’ve spent the last year post-breakup realizing that the biggest barrier to autonomy isn't a lack of ambition—it’s the financial anxiety that keeps us stuck in situationships we can't afford to leave. If you don't have the cash to walk away, you’re not a partner; you’re a dependent. Let’s clean this up.
Stop Buying Access to People Who Don't Like You
I’m going to be the friend who tells you what you need to hear: that $200 round of drinks you bought for a guy who hasn’t texted you back in three days? That’s not 'being generous.' That’s a tax on your own insecurity. When we feel like we aren't enough, we try to buy our way into relevance. We over-tip, we host, we pay for the Ubers, we cover the brunch tab because we’re terrified that if we stop paying, the 'attention' will dry up.
Newsflash: If you have to pay for the company, it’s not a relationship—it’s a service. Start looking at your credit card statement like a ledger of your self-respect. Every time you spend money to 'keep the vibe alive' with someone who isn't putting in the work, ask yourself: Am I buying his time, or am I buying my own peace? Spoiler alert: you’re buying neither.
The 'Single Tax' Isn't Real—Your Spending Habits Are
I hear it all the time in Brooklyn: 'Nina, it’s so expensive to be single!' Please. Do you know what’s expensive? A divorce lawyer. A therapy bill for a three-year entanglement with a guy who thought 'emotional availability' was a type of hardware. Being single is the ultimate financial hack if you’re actually disciplined.
When you’re coupled up, you’re often spending money on shared compromises—expensive dinners you didn't pick, trips you didn't want to take, and gifts for people you don't even like. Take this season to audit your 'maintenance' spending. Do you actually love those $18 salads, or are you just too tired to meal prep because you’re emotionally exhausted from analyzing text threads? Shift that energy. Create a 'Freedom Fund.' This isn't for a vacation (though that’s nice); this is the 'I can quit my job' or 'I can move out tomorrow' fund. That safety net is the sexiest thing you will ever own.
How to Actually Cut the Fat (Without Being Miserable)
I’m not telling you to stop buying lattes. If a $6 coffee keeps you from screaming at your manager, keep the damn coffee. But let’s cut the performative spending:
1. The 48-Hour Rule: If it’s not rent or groceries, wait 48 hours. If you still want the trendy sneakers or the 'I-just-went-through-a-breakup' outfit, buy it. Usually, the impulse dies after the dopamine hit fades. 2. Audit Your Subscriptions: If you haven’t watched anything on that niche streaming service in 30 days, kill it. That’s $15 a month that could be going toward an index fund. 3. The 'No-Spend' Weekend: Once a month, try a weekend where the only thing you spend money on is groceries. Walk in the park, go to the library, host a potluck. You’ll realize that the pressure to spend money is usually just social contagion. Your real friends don't need a $20 cocktail to enjoy your company.
Financial Autonomy is the Ultimate Power Move
Here’s the truth: when you control your money, you control your narrative. You stop accepting crumbs because you have the resources to feed yourself. You stop settling for 'let’s see where this goes' because you’re too busy building a life that feels like an empire, not a waiting room.
Saving money isn't about deprivation. It’s about being a rebel. It’s about opting out of the consumerist cycle that tells us we need a partner (and all the associated costs) to be complete. You are the asset. Start acting like it.
I’m curious—what’s the one 'situationship expense' you’re finally ready to cut out of your life? Drop a comment below or shoot me a DM. Let’s get your bank account, and your sanity, back on track. We’ve got work to do.