Stop Hunting for Your Purpose: Why You’re Actually Just Bored
By Dante — Emotionally available. Yes, we exist. No, I won't explain your ex to you. Okay fine, I will. ·
The 'Purpose' Trap
I spent most of my twenties thinking 'finding my purpose' was some kind of spiritual scavenger hunt. I figured there was a hidden map somewhere, probably tucked behind a career milestone or a really expensive therapy session, that would reveal my Grand Why. It’s a nice fairy tale. It keeps you busy, it keeps you scrolling through LinkedIn for people who seem to have it all figured out, and it keeps you from actually living your life.
Here’s the truth: the obsession with finding a singular, life-defining purpose is usually just a fancy way of saying you’re bored, or worse, you’re avoiding the actual work of being a person. I’m a UX designer. If I approached my job thinking, ‘Is this button placement my soul’s ultimate calling?’ I’d be unemployed. Instead, I focus on the friction. I look for what’s broken, what makes the user’s life a little less annoying, and I fix it.
Your purpose isn’t a destination you reach. It’s a byproduct of showing up to things that interest you, even when they’re mundane.
Why We Overcomplicate It
We love to put 'purpose' on a pedestal because it makes us feel like we’re part of a grand narrative. It’s the same energy as that guy who insists his ex-girlfriend was a 'narcissist' because he can’t handle the fact that they just grew apart and were bad at communicating. It’s easier to blame a lack of 'purpose' for your low-level dissatisfaction than to admit that you’re tired, you’re burnt out, and you haven’t had a hobby that doesn’t involve a screen in six months.
I’ve been in therapy since I was 27. My therapist once told me, ‘Dante, you’re looking for a lightning bolt, but you’re living in a drizzle.’ That stuck. We wait for this massive, cinematic moment of clarity, ignoring the fact that purpose is usually found in the small, consistent stuff. It’s found in the things you do when no one is watching and you aren't getting paid for it.
The 'Purpose' Audit: A UX Approach to Your Life
In UX, we talk about ‘user pain points.’ If you’re feeling like you lack purpose, treat your life like a product that’s currently failing its beta test. Don’t look for the big answer. Look for the friction.
1. Stop the 'Shoulds': If you’re doing something because you think it looks like what a ‘purposeful’ person would do, stop. Do you actually care about that non-profit board, or do you just like the idea of saying you’re on it? If you aren't willing to do the boring, gritty work behind the scenes, it’s not your purpose. It’s just an accessory.
2. Follow the 'Quiet Interests': What do you do when you’re procrastinating? Not the doom-scrolling, but the stuff you actually get lost in. Do you read about architectural history? Do you find yourself organizing your friends’ spreadsheets for fun? Do you spend hours researching the best way to brew coffee? That’s not a waste of time. That’s data. Your brain is telling you where your curiosity lives.
3. The 'Contribute' Metric: Purpose, at its core, is about how you impact your immediate environment. If you want to feel like you have a purpose, find a way to be useful to someone else. Not in a ‘change the world’ way, but in a ‘make this specific Tuesday better for this specific human’ way. Can you mentor a junior designer? Can you help your neighbor move? Can you listen to your friend vent without trying to ‘fix’ them for five minutes? Utility is a hell of a lot more fulfilling than a abstract sense of destiny.
The Reality Check
If you’re waiting for the day you wake up and suddenly know exactly why you’re on this planet, you’re going to be waiting a long time. And honestly? That’s fine. You don’t need to be ‘purpose-driven’ to be a functional, happy adult. Sometimes, your purpose is just to pay your rent, be a decent person to the people you love, and figure out how to make a decent pasta sauce on a Wednesday night.
When I was going through my breakup, I thought my purpose was 'being a good partner.' When that ended, I felt like my identity had a 404 error. I had to learn that I was still a person, even without that role. I had to build a life where I was the main character, not just a supporting actor in someone else’s drama. Your purpose should be a reflection of who you are when the job, the relationship, and the external validation are stripped away.
Start Small, Stay Human
Don’t try to ‘find’ your purpose this weekend. Instead, try to be curious. Try to be useful. Try to be present. If you find something that makes you feel alive, do more of it. If you find something that makes you feel like you’re performing, drop it immediately.
Life isn't a UX design case study; there’s no final prototype. You’re always in the iteration phase. That’s not a problem to solve; that’s the whole point.
Anyway, that’s my two cents on the ‘purpose’ industrial complex. If you’re currently spiraling because you feel like you’re ‘behind’ in life, or if you’re just trying to figure out how to exist without needing a grand mission statement, let’s grab a virtual coffee. I’m usually around, and I promise not to give you a lecture unless you really, really ask for one.