Stop Looking for 'The One': Why Finding Your Purpose Isn't a Soulmate Quest
By Nina — I'm the friend who tells you what you need to hear about your situationship. ·
Look, I get it. We’re in mid-2026, the world feels like it’s spinning a little too fast, and everyone on my timeline is having a mid-year crisis. I get at least five DMs a week from friends—and friends-of-friends—asking me the same thing: 'Nina, how do I find my purpose?'
Usually, they’re sitting in a coffee shop in Williamsburg, staring into a cold latte, convinced that they are one 'aha!' moment away from their true calling. They talk about purpose like it’s a long-lost lover they’re destined to reunite with.
Here’s the truth you probably don’t want to hear: You aren't going to 'find' your purpose tucked under a rock or hidden in the bottom of a yoga retreat. And frankly, this narrative that you have one singular, divine purpose? It’s complete bullshit. It’s the same toxic mindset that keeps you stuck in a situationship with a guy who doesn’t text back because you’re convinced he’s your 'twin flame.' Stop it.
Purpose is a Practice, Not a Destination
We treat finding our purpose like we treat dating. We think there’s 'The One'—the perfect career path or life mission—and once we lock it down, everything will finally click into place.
Spoiler alert: That’s not how human beings work. You are not a static object. You are a person who grows, changes, and gets bored. Your 'purpose' at 22 is allowed to be wildly different from your 'purpose' at 28. When you put all this pressure on yourself to identify your eternal raison d'être, you paralyze yourself. You end up doing nothing because you’re afraid of choosing the 'wrong' thing.
I’ve spent the last year realizing that purpose isn’t a noun. It’s a verb. It’s something you do, not something you are.
Stop Romanticizing the Search
If you’re waiting for a lightning bolt of inspiration to strike while you’re doom-scrolling, you’re going to be waiting until 2030. Purpose is usually found in the friction, not the flow. It’s found in the things that annoy you, the problems you actually want to fix, and the skills you’re willing to get calluses from developing.
Instead of looking for a cosmic sign, look at your calendar. What do you actually spend your time doing when no one is watching? What are the things you do that make you forget to check your phone? That’s where the data is. Not in your head, not in your journals, but in your actual, lived behavior.
Three Steps to Stop the Spiral
If you want to stop feeling aimless, we need to get practical. Here is how you actually start building a purpose-driven life without the woo-woo nonsense:
1. Audit Your 'Complaints': What are you constantly complaining about? When I was in PR, I realized I spent way too much time complaining about how agencies handled client transparency. That annoyance wasn't just noise—it was a signal. It told me what I cared about: integrity and clear communication. Your frustrations are just misdirected passion. Flip the complaint: What would the solution look like? That’s your first lead.
2. The 'Boring' Test: Everyone wants to be a founder or a visionary. But what is the boring, unsexy work you’re willing to do for free? If you want to be a writer, are you willing to spend three hours a day editing sentences that nobody reads? If you want to run a community, are you willing to moderate the messy DMs? If you aren’t willing to do the boring parts, you don’t want the purpose; you just want the applause.
3. Kill the 'Perfect' Narrative: You’re allowed to pivot. You’re allowed to try something for six months, realize you hate it, and burn it to the ground. That isn't failure; that’s data collection. Every time you cross something off the list, you’re getting closer to what actually keeps you engaged.
Your Life Isn’t a Situationship
I see so many people 'dating' their lives—casually seeing where things go, hoping it turns into a commitment, but refusing to define the relationship. You don’t have to get married to your purpose tomorrow.
Just start dating it. Take it out for coffee. See if you like the vibe. If it’s draining your battery or making you feel like you’re performing for someone else’s benefit, dump it. You have agency. You have the right to change your mind.
Stop waiting for the universe to give you an assignment. You’re the one holding the pen. Start writing the next chapter, even if you aren’t sure where the plot is going to end. It’s better to be messy and moving than polished and standing still.
If you’re feeling stuck or you’re ready to call bullshit on your own excuses, hit me up in the DMs. I’ve got a venti iced coffee, no time for games, and I’m ready to help you figure out your next move. Let’s talk.