Stop Looking for Your 'Purpose' and Start Building a Life That Fits
By Diana — Burned out at 42. Rebuilt by 44. The cool aunt energy you need. ·
The 'P-Word' Trap
I remember sitting in my therapist’s office back in 2022, staring at a slightly peeling spot on her armchair, feeling like a total fraud. I was 42, I had the title, the corner office, the mortgage, and the resume that made my LinkedIn profile look like a highlight reel. And yet, when I had that health scare—the one that turned out to be my body finally screaming, “Diana, stop!”—I realized I had absolutely no idea who I was once you stripped away the corporate armor.
Everyone kept telling me, “Diana, you just need to find your purpose.”
I hated that advice. It made “purpose” sound like a set of car keys I’d misplaced in the couch cushions. Like if I just looked hard enough—maybe through a vision board or a weekend retreat in Sedona—I’d find a golden ticket that would explain why I was put on this earth.
Here’s the truth from someone who’s been there, done that, and burned out on it: You don’t find your purpose. You construct it. And usually, it’s not some grand, world-saving mission. It’s just the intersection of what you’re good at, what doesn’t make you want to scream into a pillow, and what actually sustains your life.
Why the 'Passion' Narrative is Toxic
We’ve been sold this lie that our careers should be our soulmates. That if you aren’t “passionate” about your 9-to-5, you’re failing.
Let’s be real: I loved marketing for a long time. But when the stress hit, my “passion” didn’t save me. My savings account, my therapist, and my ability to set boundaries saved me. When you tie your identity entirely to a “purpose-driven career,” you lose your safety net. If that career hits a wall, you don’t just lose a job; you lose your reason for existing.
I’m 47 now. I’m married to Paul, we’re navigating the beautiful, chaotic mess of a blended family with three teenagers who eat us out of house and home, and I run my own practice. Does my work feel meaningful? Yes. But it’s not my entire purpose. It’s a component. My purpose is to live a life where I’m not running on fumes, where I can show up for my kids, and where I can help other women skip the part where they have to have a nervous breakdown to realize they deserve better.
The Three-Step Audit for Realignment
If you’re feeling adrift, stop trying to “find” your North Star. Instead, let’s look at your daily reality. Grab a notebook—the fancy kind, or a napkin, I don’t care—and answer these three questions honestly. No “corporate theater” allowed.
1. What is your 'Energy Tax'? Look at your calendar from the last two weeks. Which tasks made you feel like you were losing blood? Which ones left you feeling a little bit energized, even if they were hard? We often focus on what we’re skilled at, but you can be excellent at something you absolutely despise. Stop doing the high-tax, low-reward work as much as you possibly can.
2. What problems are you already solving for free? People often ask me for advice on career pivots, negotiating, or how to handle a difficult boss. I realized that even when I was a VP, I was spending more time coaching my team than I was looking at spreadsheets. That was the clue. What do friends, family, or colleagues constantly ping you for help with? That’s usually where your actual value lies—not in your job title.
3. What does your 'Enough' look like? This is the hardest one. We are conditioned to chase more. More money, more status, more responsibility. But what does your life look like when you aren’t chasing? Does it involve more walks with the dog? A hobby you abandoned in your 20s? Being home for dinner? Define what 'enough' looks like for your lifestyle, not your career.
Building Your Purpose in the Margins
You don’t need to quit your job tomorrow to find your purpose. In fact, please don’t. (I did that, and while it worked out, it was terrifying.)
Instead, start building your purpose in the margins of your day. If you love writing, start that newsletter. If you love mentoring, volunteer for a local youth group. If you’re a natural organizer, help a friend streamline their home.
When you start doing things that align with your values outside of your paycheck, the pressure on your job to be your “everything” evaporates. Suddenly, your job becomes what it was always meant to be: a tool that funds the life you actually want to live.
The Cool Aunt Reality Check
Listen, life is short. I learned that the hard way at 42. You are allowed to change your mind, you are allowed to be “less than” a VP, and you are absolutely allowed to prioritize your peace over your productivity.
Rebuilding isn’t about finding a new label. It’s about finding a rhythm that lets you sleep at night. If you’re feeling stuck and need someone to help you sort through the noise, you know where to find me. Drop a comment below or shoot me a note—let’s talk about what’s actually keeping you up at night.
I’m here, I’ve got the coffee, and I’m ready when you are.