Stop Networking Like You’re Desperate for a Date
By Nina — I'm the friend who tells you what you need to hear about your situationship. ·
Look, we need to have a serious talk about the way you’re ‘networking.’ If you’re approaching professional mixers or LinkedIn DMs with the same frantic, ‘please pick me’ energy you use when he leaves you on read for six hours, you’ve already lost.
I work in PR here in Brooklyn, so I spend half my life in rooms full of people trying to climb the ladder. And honestly? Most of you are doing it wrong. You’re treating networking like a situationship—you’re showing up looking for validation, hoping someone will ‘choose’ you for the job, and then acting shocked when you get ghosted. Networking isn’t about finding a savior; it’s about building a community of people who actually give a damn about what you’re doing. Let’s clean up your act.
Stop Treating Your LinkedIn Like a Dating Profile
I see it all the time. People spend three hours curating a profile that screams, ‘I am so talented, please notice me!’ It’s desperate, it’s performative, and it’s boring. When you reach out to someone for a coffee chat, stop leading with your resume. That’s like showing up to a first date and immediately laying out your five-year plan for marriage and children. It’s overwhelming, and frankly, nobody asked.
Instead of asking for a job, ask for a perspective. People love to talk about themselves—it’s the human condition. If you want to connect with someone, find a specific detail about a project they led or an article they wrote. Ask, ‘How did you navigate X challenge?’ instead of ‘Can you pass my resume to HR?’ It changes the dynamic from a one-sided favor to a conversation between peers.
The ‘Situationship’ Trap: Stop Chasing People Who Don’t Care
In my friend group, I’m the one who tells you when he’s just not that into you. I’m going to do the same for your career. If you’ve sent three follow-ups to a ‘mentor’ who hasn’t replied, let it go. You are holding space for someone who isn't showing up for you.
Networking is just like dating: if they aren't making an effort to stay in the loop, you’re just wasting your own emotional bandwidth. Focus your energy on the people who are actually in your orbit and responding. Build deep, real connections with the people who are at your level, not just the people you think have more ‘status’ than you. The person sitting next to you at a workshop today is much more likely to be your future business partner than the CEO you’re stalking on Instagram.
How to Actually Show Up (Without Being a Pawn)
Being a rebel doesn't mean you’re difficult; it means you’re authentic. When you’re at an event, stop hiding in the corner with your phone. That screen is your safety blanket, and it’s keeping you from the very things you’re there for.
Here’s your practical playbook:
1. The 5-Minute Rule: When you meet someone new, don’t talk about your ‘brand.’ Talk about what you’re currently struggling with—a real problem. Vulnerability is a shortcut to intimacy, even in business. It makes you human, and humans are memorable. 2. The Follow-Up (Without the Creep Factor): If you had a good conversation, send a note within 24 hours. Keep it brief. ‘Loved our chat about X, here’s that link I mentioned.’ Then, stop. Don’t send them a gift basket. Don’t comment on every single one of their LinkedIn posts for the next month. Give them space to miss you. 3. Curate Your Circle: Stop chasing the people who don’t align with your values. If you want a career that allows for autonomy, why are you networking with people who brag about 80-hour work weeks? You’re just setting yourself up for a toxic professional relationship you’ll want to break up with in six months.
You Are Not the Product
I spent three years in a relationship that taught me exactly what I didn't want, and I learned that the most important thing you can bring to the table—in work or in love—is a sense of self that isn't dependent on external approval. When you network from a place of ‘I have something valuable to contribute,’ rather than ‘I hope you like me enough to hire me,’ the entire power dynamic shifts.
Stop curating your professional life like you’re trying to impress an ex. Be messy, be real, and be intentional. If someone doesn't vibe with your energy, you haven't failed; you’ve just saved yourself from a bad partnership.
Networking isn't about being the most popular person in the room. It’s about finding the people who make you better at what you do, and who you actually want to grab a drink with after the clock strikes five. Everything else is just noise.
So, how are you feeling about your current circle? Are you chasing people who don’t get you, or are you building something that actually feels like home? Slide into my DMs or drop a comment below—let’s talk about who you’re actually trying to impress and why. I’m here to tell you the truth, whether you’re ready to hear it or not.