Stop Setting Goals Like You’re Planning a Wedding: How to Actually Reach Your Milestones
By Nina — I'm the friend who tells you what you need to hear about your situationship. ·
Let’s Stop Pretending We’re Perfectionists
It’s July 2026. The humidity in Brooklyn is currently at a level that makes my hair look like it’s auditioning for a role in a low-budget sci-fi film, and I’m seeing the same patterns on my Instagram feed that I saw back in January. Everyone is posting their “Mid-Year Reset” graphics. You know the ones—minimalist fonts, aesthetic to-do lists, and bullet points about ‘manifesting’ a six-figure pivot or a healthy relationship by December.
Here’s the thing: most of you are failing at your goals because you’re setting them the same way people plan weddings. You’re obsessed with the ‘big day’—the outcome, the finish line, the shiny trophy—without having any interest in the actual marriage, which is the boring, daily work. You’re romanticizing the achievement while ghosting the process. And honestly? It’s giving situationship energy. You’re invested in the fantasy, but you aren’t actually showing up for the person you have to be to make it happen.
The ‘Situationship’ Trap of Goal Setting
When I was ending my three-year relationship, I had a ‘goal’ to be ‘happy and independent.’ Sounds great, right? But I didn’t set any actual parameters. I just waited for the universe to hand me a personality transplant. I was treating my self-growth like a situationship: I wanted all the benefits of a transformation without having to do the hard work of setting boundaries or actually sitting with my own discomfort.
If your goals are just a list of things you want to have (a promotion, a partner, a Pilates body), you’re setting yourself up for a breakup. A goal isn’t a destination; it’s a standard of behavior. If you want a promotion, the goal isn't the title; the goal is becoming the person who handles the projects your boss currently handles. If you want a healthy relationship, the goal isn’t the ring; the goal is becoming the person who communicates their needs without self-sabotaging.
Step 1: The ‘Anti-Vision’ Board
Everyone tells you to make a vision board. I’m telling you to make an ‘Anti-Vision’ board. I want you to write down exactly what you don’t want your life to look like by the end of the year.
Do you not want to be exhausted by 5 PM? Do you not want to be checking your ex’s locations? Do you not want to be the person who says ‘yes’ to every networking event that bores them to tears? When you define the version of yourself you’re trying to kill off, the path forward becomes much clearer. If you know you don’t want to be the version of yourself that stays up until 2 AM doom-scrolling, your goal isn’t ‘get more sleep.’ Your goal is ‘leave the phone in the kitchen at 11 PM.’ See the difference? One is a wish; the other is a boundary.
Step 2: The 24-Hour Rule
We love to plan for the next six months. It’s safe. It’s distant. But you don’t live in six months; you live in the next twenty-four hours.
Stop setting goals that take a fiscal quarter to prove. If you want to write a book, don’t set a goal to ‘finish a draft.’ Set a goal to write 200 words every morning before you open your email. If that feels like too much, make it 50. The point is the consistency of the behavior, not the weight of the result. If you can’t maintain the behavior for three days in a row, the goal is too big or you don’t actually care about it. And if you don’t care about it, stop lying to yourself and drop it. You’re allowed to change your mind.
Step 3: Auditing Your Emotional Overhead
This is the part where I get a little bossy because I care. Look at your goal list. Now, look at your calendar. How much of your emotional energy is currently being drained by people or situations that don’t align with those goals?
If you want to start a side business but you’re spending four hours a week ‘debating’ your current situationship with your group chat, you aren’t working toward your goal. You’re actively preventing it. Your goals require space. If your life is already crowded with drama, bad habits, and people-pleasing, there is nowhere for your new aspirations to land. You have to clear the deck. Sometimes, reaching a goal is less about ‘adding’ more to your plate and more about ruthlessly taking things off it.
Stop Waiting for Permission
I’m not here to tell you to ‘crush your goals.’ That sounds like something a middle-aged man in a LinkedIn ad would say. I’m here to tell you that you’re the one holding yourself back because you’re waiting for some magical moment of readiness that is never going to come. You don’t need to feel ‘motivated.’ Motivation is a fickle friend who shows up when it’s convenient and leaves when things get hard. Discipline is the partner who stays even when you’re being a nightmare.
Stop treating your life like a series of external validations. Stop setting goals to prove something to your parents, your old high school friends, or that person you’re seeing who doesn't even text you back.
Set a goal that you’d be proud of even if no one else ever knew about it. If it doesn’t make you feel a little bit nervous and a whole lot of empowered, it’s probably not yours.
Now, look at your list again. Delete the fluff. Keep the one thing that actually scares you. Go do it.
Still feeling stuck on what you’re actually aiming for? Send me a DM or drop a comment below. I’m always down to help you figure out if you’re chasing a dream or just distracting yourself from your life.