Stop Setting Goals Like You’re Planning a Wedding You Don’t Even Want
By Nina — I'm the friend who tells you what you need to hear about your situationship. ·
Your 'Manifestation' Is Actually Just Denial
It’s June 2026. The humidity in Brooklyn has officially hit that point where your hair has a mind of its own, and my DMs are blowing up with the same tired script: 'Nina, I’m just trying to set some goals for the second half of the year, but I feel so stuck.'
Here’s the thing: most of you aren’t ‘stuck.’ You’re just lying to yourselves. You’re setting goals based on what you think you should want because you saw it on a Pinterest board or because your mother asked about your life trajectory at brunch. You’re setting goals for the life you think will make you ‘dateable’ or ‘successful enough’ to finally get that guy from the Hinge app to commit.
Newsflash: If your goal-setting process feels like you’re planning a wedding for a partner who hasn’t even proposed—or doesn’t even exist—you’re doing it wrong. We’re deep-sixing that energy today. We’re getting real about what you actually want, not what you think looks good on a highlight reel.
The 'Ick' Audit: What Are You Pretending to Like?
Before you open a fresh Notion page or buy a new journal you’ll never fill, we need to do an Ick Audit. In PR, I’m constantly stripping away the fluff to find the actual brand story. You need to do the same for your life.
Write down three goals you’ve been chasing for the last six months. Now, ask yourself: Does this goal make me feel energized, or does it make me feel like I’m performing for an audience? If the answer is the latter, throw it out.
I spent three years chasing a 'power couple' aesthetic with an ex who barely knew my middle name. I thought that was the goal. I thought success looked like a coordinated Instagram grid. When I finally cut the cord, I realized my real goal wasn’t a relationship; it was peace. It was having a Sunday morning where I wasn’t walking on eggshells. Stop setting goals that are just compensation for your insecurities. If you’re setting a fitness goal, are you doing it to be strong, or are you doing it because you think being smaller will make someone love you? Be brutally honest with yourself. I’m the only one who will tell you the truth, so start listening to your own internal monologue.
Kill the 'Someday' Narrative
We love to romanticize ‘Someday.’ ‘Someday, I’ll be in a healthy relationship.’ ‘Someday, I’ll get that promotion.’ ‘Someday, I’ll move out of this apartment.’
‘Someday’ is a graveyard where dreams go to die. It’s the ultimate procrastination tool. If you aren’t willing to do the uncomfortable, boring, unglamorous work today, you aren’t going to do it tomorrow, either.
When I decided I wanted to transition into a more senior role at my agency, I didn’t manifest it by lighting a candle or writing an affirmation on my mirror. I started tracking my billable hours, I took on the projects nobody else wanted, and I learned how to say no to the tasks that were keeping me stagnant. It wasn’t cute. It was sweaty, annoying, and required me to be the ‘bad guy’ in a few meetings. But it worked. If your goal doesn’t have a boring, action-oriented step attached to it, it’s not a goal. It’s a daydream. And you’re too old for daydreams.
The 80/20 Rule of Self-Improvement
In my line of work, we focus 80% of our effort on the 20% of the strategy that actually moves the needle. Apply this to your life. Stop trying to ‘fix’ everything at once. You don’t need a new skincare routine, a new side hustle, and a completely overhauled dating strategy all in one week. That’s just self-sabotage disguised as productivity.
Pick one area. One. If you’re a mess in your love life, stop trying to launch a business. Fix your boundaries first. If you’re burning out at work, stop worrying about your dating app profile. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and you definitely can’t build a life, a career, or a relationship while you’re running on fumes and anxiety.
Embrace the 'Rebel' Mindset
Being a rebel isn’t about wearing leather jackets or being difficult. It’s about being willing to disappoint people to protect your own integrity. When you start setting goals that actually align with your gut, people are going to get annoyed. Your friends who love their toxic cycles will wonder why you’re suddenly ‘too busy’ to entertain their drama. Your situationship partner will notice you’re pulling back and might even try to pull you back in with some low-effort breadcrumbing.
Let them be annoyed. Their discomfort is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to the version of you that exists in 2027. What does she need to be proud of you? She doesn’t care about the guy who texted you at 2:00 AM on a Tuesday. She cares about the fact that you finally stopped waiting for permission to live your life.
Let’s Stop Pretending
Goal setting isn't about becoming a better version of yourself. You’re already enough. It’s about becoming a more honest version of yourself. It’s about stripping away the garbage that other people put on you and realizing that you have the power to decide what your day-to-day looks like.
So, what are we actually going to do? Don’t make a list of ten things. Make a list of one thing that scares you because it’s actually what you want.
I’m curious—what’s the one goal you’ve been too afraid to admit you want? Drop it in the comments or shoot me a DM. I’m here to call it out, cheer you on, or tell you if you’re just chasing a fantasy. Let’s get to work.