Stop Setting Goals That Keep You Single: A Guide to Intentional Life Design
By Nina — I'm the friend who tells you what you need to hear about your situationship. ·
It’s May 2026, and if I hear one more person tell me their goal for the year is to ‘just be open to whatever happens,’ I’m going to scream. Seriously. I love you, but ‘being open’ is just code for ‘I’m terrified of asking for what I want because then I’ll have to deal with the rejection when I don’t get it.’
I’ve been single for a year now—by choice, mostly—and the biggest lesson I’ve learned in my Brooklyn apartment over a glass of natural wine isn’t about how to attract a partner. It’s about how to stop treating my life like a draft I’m allowed to edit indefinitely. We love to talk about ‘goal setting’ like it’s some corporate HR exercise. But when it comes to your actual life—your romantic life, your career, your peace of mind—most of you are setting goals that are designed to keep you safe, not satisfied.
Let’s get real. If your goal is to ‘find someone who is nice,’ you’re setting the bar at the floor. In PR, I’d get fired if I pitched a client with a goal of ‘I guess they should get some press eventually.’ We need specifics. We need strategy. And most importantly, we need to stop lying to ourselves about what we’re actually working toward.
Define the 'Why' Before the 'What'
Before you write down your goals for the rest of the year, ask yourself why you’re setting them. Are you trying to impress your parents? Are you trying to prove something to your ex? Or are you trying to build a life that actually feels good when you wake up on a Tuesday morning and nobody is around?
If your goal is to ‘be in a relationship,’ that’s a trap. A relationship is a result of two people doing the work, not a prize you win for filling out a checklist. Instead, shift your goal to: ‘I am going to become the kind of person who is capable of sustaining a healthy, high-communication partnership.’ That’s a goal you can control. You can’t control whether the guy you’re texting is emotionally stunted, but you can control how quickly you exit the conversation when he reveals he is.
The 'Hell Yes' vs. 'Hell No' Audit
I want you to look at your calendar and your text threads. Look at how you’re spending your energy. Most of us are keeping ‘goals’ that are actually just emotional clutter.
If you want to set real goals, you have to start by clearing out the junk. I call this the ‘Hell Yes’ audit. If a situation, a person, or a project doesn’t make you feel excited or challenged, it’s a ‘Hell No.’ We waste so much time trying to ‘make it work’ with people who aren’t showing up. That’s not a goal; that’s a hostage situation. Your goal for this month should be to eliminate one thing that is currently draining your battery. Not a big thing, just one thing. Maybe it’s that situationship that’s been lingering since February. Maybe it’s that side project you’re only doing because you think it looks good on a resume. Cut it. The space you create is where your actual goals start to grow.
Reverse-Engineer Your Reality
In my line of work, we start at the deadline and work backward. Why don’t you do that with your life? If you want to be in a committed, secure relationship by next year, what needs to be true about your boundaries today? Does it mean you stop ignoring red flags? Does it mean you actually start stating your needs on a first date instead of waiting for them to ‘just figure it out’?
Actionable goal-setting isn’t about big, lofty dreams. It’s about the micro-decisions you make daily. If your goal is to have more confidence, the action isn’t ‘be more confident.’ The action is ‘say no to the plans I don’t want to attend’ or ‘ask for that raise at work.’ Your goals need to be measurable, not just vibes. If you can’t measure it, you won’t achieve it.
Stop Waiting for Permission
I see so many people waiting for a partner, or a boss, or a friend to tell them they’re ‘ready’ to level up. Here is your permission: You don’t need it. You are the architect of your own situation. If you’re miserable in your current dynamic, you are the one keeping yourself there. That sounds harsh, but it’s the most loving thing I can tell you.
When you stop playing the victim to your circumstances, you get to start playing the hero. That’s the only way to get what you actually want. Stop waiting for the world to align. Start aligning your own life to the things that matter.
Set the goal. Do the work. And if it doesn’t work out, be proud of the fact that you actually tried instead of just hoping for the best.
So, what’s the one thing you’re going to stop tolerating by the end of this month? I’m serious—drop a comment or shoot me a DM. Let’s hold each other accountable, because we’re done wasting time on things that don’t serve us. Catch you later.