Stop Setting Goals You Hate: A Realistic Guide to Intentional Goal Setting
By Diana — Burned out at 42. Rebuilt by 44. The cool aunt energy you need. ·
It’s October. If you’re anything like the version of me from five years ago, your brain is already starting to panic about the ‘Year-End Push.’ You’re looking at that spreadsheet of KPIs, your neglected side-hustle, or the fitness goals you abandoned in February, and you’re feeling that familiar, tightening sensation in your chest.
I remember that feeling. It’s the sound of your nervous system screaming, ‘Not again.’
When I was a VP, I viewed goal setting as a competitive sport. I wanted to win the year. I wanted to be the most efficient, the most productive, the most ‘achievable’ person in the room. By 42, I had the corner office, the impressive resume, and a health scare that landed me in a hospital bed with a heart rate monitor attached to my chest. Turns out, your body doesn’t care about your quarterly targets.
Now, at 47, my approach to goal setting has shifted from ‘performing success’ to ‘designing a life.’ If you want to finish 2026 strong without losing your mind, we need to talk about why your current system is broken.
The Problem with 'Achievement' as a Default Setting
Most people set goals based on external validation. You want the promotion because it looks good on LinkedIn. You want the marathon medal because it looks good on Instagram. You want the side business because everyone else is doing it.
But when your goals are just a collection of chores designed to make other people nod in approval, you’ll never find the internal fuel to sustain them. That’s why you quit. It wasn’t a lack of discipline; it was a lack of soul-alignment.
When I rebuilt my life after the burnout, I had to stop asking, ‘What can I achieve?’ and start asking, ‘What kind of life do I want to be living on a Tuesday in November?’
Step 1: The 'Anti-Goal' Audit
Before you write down a single new goal, look at your current list and be ruthless. Cross out anything that feels like an 'ought to.'
I call these Anti-Goals. If you feel dread just looking at the bullet point, delete it. If the goal requires you to become someone you don’t actually like just to reach the finish line, delete it. I don’t care if you started it in January. If it’s draining your battery faster than it’s charging it, let it go. Giving yourself permission to quit a bad goal is the most productive thing you can do for your future.
Step 2: Micro-Habits Over Macro-Benchmarks
We love big, shiny, scary goals. They feel important. But big goals are just noise without the micro-habits to support them.
When Paul and I were blending our families—two teenage girls and his son—the chaos was real. If I had set a goal like ‘Be the Perfect Parent,’ I would have failed by breakfast. Instead, my goal became ‘Be present for one uninterrupted, device-free conversation per day.’
Stop setting goals that require a complete personality transplant. Set goals that fit into the margins of your current, messy, beautiful life. Can you read ten pages of a book? Can you walk for fifteen minutes? Can you send that one networking email? Start there. The compound interest of small, consistent actions beats the 'all-or-nothing' sprint every single time.
Step 3: Design for the Season, Not the Status
Life moves in seasons. Sometimes you’re in a ‘growth season’ where you can handle the extra work, and sometimes you’re in a ‘maintenance season’ where just keeping the house standing is a win.
It is currently October. The air is crisp, the kids are back in school, and the year is winding down. This is not the time to launch a high-stress project that requires 80 hours a week. It’s a time to harvest what you’ve built, evaluate the harvest, and prune the dead branches. Don't force a spring goal in an autumn season.
The 'Cool Aunt' Reality Check
Here’s the truth: nobody is going to give you a gold star for grinding yourself into the ground. When I look back at my 42-year-old self, I don't feel proud of the late nights I pulled for the board. I feel sorry for her. She thought she was building a future, but she was actually just burning down her present.
Set goals that make your life better, not just busier. If you find yourself struggling to separate your worth from your to-do list, reach out. We can look at your goals together and decide which ones are worth keeping and which ones belong in the trash.
Seriously, drop me a note or book a session. I’ve got the coffee ready, and I’m excellent at helping you identify the difference between ambition and a cry for help. Let’s make the rest of 2026 count—on your terms, not the world’s.