Stop Treating Your Career Change Like a Situationship: It’s Time to Commit
By Nina — I'm the friend who tells you what you need to hear about your situationship. ·
Stop Treating Your Career Change Like a Situationship: It’s Time to Commit
I’m writing this from my favorite coffee shop in Williamsburg, watching the September light hit the pavement. It’s that time of year again—everyone is feeling the 'back to school' itch, even those of us who haven’t stepped foot in a lecture hall in six years. My DMs are currently flooded with the same frantic energy: 'Nina, I think I need to leave my job, but I’m scared,' or 'I’ve been applying for months and nothing feels right.'
I get it. But let’s be real for a second. You’re approaching your career change exactly like you approached that guy you dated for eight months who refused to put a label on things: you’re keeping your options open, you’re terrified of looking too eager, and you’re secretly waiting for a miracle to happen without actually doing the work of building something real.
It’s time to stop treating your career like a situationship. You deserve a professional life that actually wants to be seen with you in public.
Stop 'Dating Around' Your Resume
When you’re in a situationship, you’re constantly looking over your shoulder to see if there’s someone better. In your career, this looks like 'rage-applying' to sixty jobs on LinkedIn while you’re lying in bed at 11:00 PM on a Tuesday. You aren’t vetting these companies; you’re just hoping one of them picks you so you can stop feeling lonely in your current role.
Stop it. You wouldn’t marry someone you barely know, so why are you trying to commit 40+ hours a week to a company whose values you haven’t bothered to research?
Actionable Step: Pick three companies—and I mean only three—that actually align with where you want to go. Research their leadership, their recent projects, and their culture. Spend your energy tailoring your narrative to them rather than spamming your resume into a void. It’s about quality of connection, not quantity of applications.
The 'I’m Just Keeping It Casual' Myth
I hear this all the time: 'I’m just looking for a change, I’m not sure what I want yet.' That’s the professional equivalent of 'I’m just seeing where things go.' If you don’t know what you want, the universe—and recruiters—will treat you like an afterthought.
If you don’t define your worth, the market will define it for you, and spoiler alert: it’s usually lower than what you’re actually worth. You’re afraid to commit to a specific path because if you pick one and it doesn't work out, you think you’ve failed. But refusing to choose is a failure of its own. It’s the ultimate form of self-sabotage.
Actionable Step: Write down your 'Non-Negotiables.' What are the three things you absolutely need in your next role? Is it remote flexibility? A salary floor? A specific type of creative autonomy? Once you define these, stop entertaining opportunities that don’t meet them. It’s okay to have standards. In fact, it’s necessary.
Stop Waiting for a Text Back
Are you waiting for the job market to 'reach out' to you? Are you waiting for a recruiter to slide into your DMs with your dream offer? That’s passive, and it’s weak. In a situationship, the person who cares the least holds all the power. In your career, the person who takes the initiative holds all the power.
If you want a change, you have to be the one to initiate the conversation. Reach out to people who are currently doing the job you want. Buy them a coffee (or a virtual one) and ask them how they got there. Don’t ask for a job; ask for their story. When you treat your career path as a networking mission rather than a desperate plea for validation, you change the entire dynamic.
Actionable Step: Identify five people on LinkedIn who have the job you want. Send them a thoughtful, brief message: 'Hey, I’m currently transitioning into [Field] and I’ve been following your work on [Project]. I’d love to hear how you navigated your pivot.' If they don’t reply, move on. Don’t take it personally. They’re busy, and you’re building your own empire anyway.
Own Your Worth (Even When It's Scary)
Leaving a job that doesn't serve you is like ending a relationship that’s gone stale. It’s painful, it’s uncertain, and for a few weeks, you might feel like you’ve made a huge mistake. You’ll miss the familiarity of your old paycheck or the safety of knowing exactly what your day looks like, even if that day makes you miserable.
Listen to me: You are not a 'job hopper' for wanting better. You are someone who has outgrown a container that was too small for you. That is not a character flaw; it’s growth.
Let’s Get to Work
Look, I know this is scary. Change is the hardest thing we do as humans. But you’ve spent enough time in the limbo of 'maybe next year' or 'when I have more experience.' You have the skills. You have the drive. You just need to stop playing small to make your current employer—or your own insecurities—feel comfortable.
Are you going to keep waiting for a sign, or are you going to start building the life you actually want? If you need a reality check or a strategy session, you know where to find me. My DMs are open, and I’m ready to help you stop the cycle. Let’s grab a virtual coffee and talk through your next move. What’s holding you back today?