Stop Treating Your Salary Negotiation Like a First Date: How to Get Paid What You’re Actually Worth
By Nina — I'm the friend who tells you what you need to hear about your situationship. ·
Look, I’ve spent the better part of my twenties watching my friends bend over backward to make themselves ‘palatable’ for people who aren’t even checking for them. And honestly? I see you doing the exact same thing in your career. You’re sitting there, staring at an offer letter or sitting in your annual review, and you’re acting like you’re on a first date—trying to be ‘chill,’ hoping they’ll just notice how great you are without you having to actually ask for the respect you deserve.
Spoiler alert: If you wait for your boss to ‘just know’ you’re worth more, you’re going to be waiting until the heat death of the universe. Salary negotiation isn’t a romantic comedy where the guy finally realizes you’re the one in the third act. It’s a business transaction. And if you’re approaching it with the energy of someone who’s scared to ‘rock the boat,’ you’re already losing. Let’s stop playing small.
Stop Waiting for the 'Right Time'
There is no ‘right time.’ There is only the time you decide to stop letting your bank account suffer because you’re worried about being ‘too much.’ In PR, I’ve learned that if you don’t advocate for your value, the narrative gets written for you—and it’s usually a narrative where you’re severely underpaid.
When you approach a negotiation, drop the ‘I’m so lucky to be here’ vibe. You aren’t lucky; you’re an asset. You have a skill set that solves a problem for them. If you’ve been in your role for a year, have taken on projects outside your scope, or have just generally been a powerhouse, the time is now. Stop waiting for a ‘sign’ or an invitation. You have to invite yourself to the table.
Do Your Research (And Stop Being So Humble)
My biggest pet peeve is the friend who says, ‘Well, I don’t want to seem greedy.’ Greedy? You’re asking for market value. Being underpaid isn’t a personality trait, and it’s definitely not a virtue.
Before you walk into that room, you need data. Sites like Glassdoor, Levels.fyi, and honestly, just talking to your peers (yes, talk about money, it’s only ‘taboo’ because companies want to keep you quiet) are non-negotiable. If you don’t know what the industry rate is for your position in your city, you’re shooting in the dark. Once you have the numbers, pick a range. Your ‘goal’ number should be at the top of that range, and your ‘settle’ number should be what you’re actually aiming for. If you walk in without a number, you’re just asking for them to tell you what your life is worth.
The Script: Ditch the Apologetic Energy
I hear you guys rehearsing in my head. ‘I know I haven’t been here that long, but maybe if it’s okay, could I possibly...’ Stop. Stop it right now. You are not asking for a favor; you are stating a fact.
Try this instead: ‘Based on the additional responsibilities I’ve taken on, including X and Y, and the current market rate for this level of output, I’m looking for an adjustment to [Number].’ Then? You stop talking. Silence is your best friend in a negotiation. Whoever speaks first after the ‘ask’ has lost the floor. Let them sit in the silence. It’s uncomfortable for them, too, but you’re the one holding the leverage because you know exactly what you bring to the table.
What to Do When They Say 'No'
If they say no, it’s not the end of the world. It’s just the start of a different conversation. Ask, ‘What would it take to get to that number in the next six months?’ If they give you a concrete list, get it in writing. If they give you fluff about ‘budget constraints’ and ‘the economy,’ you’ve got your answer: this company doesn’t value your growth. And just like a situationship that refuses to define the relationship after six months, you need to decide if you’re going to stay in a dead-end arrangement or start looking for someone—or some company—that actually wants to commit to your success.
It’s About More Than Just the Cash
Sometimes, the budget really is tight. If they truly can’t move the needle on the base salary, negotiate the rest of the package. Extra PTO, a professional development stipend, a flexible work schedule, or a performance-based bonus structure. Everything is negotiable if you have the guts to open your mouth and ask.
Stop settling for crumbs because you’re afraid of the ‘Ick’ factor of being a woman who knows her worth. The only thing you’ll get from staying quiet is a smaller paycheck and a lot of resentment. Don’t do that to yourself. You’ve outgrown that version of you.
Look, I’m not saying this is easy. Change never is. But you’re better than the narrative that says you should be grateful just to have a job. You’re the CEO of your own career. Start acting like it.
Got a performance review coming up and feeling like you need a hype-woman? Or maybe you’re stuck in a ‘we’ll talk about it later’ cycle with your boss? Hit me up in the DMs—let’s talk it through.