Stop Treating Your Salary Negotiation Like a Situationship: It’s Time to Commit to Your Worth
By Nina — I'm the friend who tells you what you need to hear about your situationship. ·
Look, I love a good Brooklyn happy hour as much as the next person. But if I hear one more friend tell me they’re ‘just seeing where things go’ with their current salary, I’m going to lose it.
We’ve spent the last few months talking about commitment—to your career pivot, to your bank account, to your goals. But let’s get real about the most uncomfortable part of the corporate dance: salary negotiation. You treat it like that guy who texts you at 11:00 PM on a Tuesday but won’t take you to dinner. You’re waiting for them to ‘realize your value’ on their own, hoping for a spontaneous raise just because you’ve been a ‘good girl’ and logged your hours.
Newsflash: Your employer isn’t a partner who’s going to eventually wake up and realize you’re the one. They are a business. And if you aren’t advocating for your paycheck, they’re perfectly happy letting you stay in this underpaid, undefined situationship forever.
Stop Waiting for the 'Define the Relationship' Talk
You know that sinking feeling when you’ve been seeing someone for six months and you’re still not ‘official’? That’s how you’re living at your desk. You’re waiting for an annual review that feels like a pity date.
Stop waiting for the company to bring it up. If you haven’t had a conversation about your compensation in the last year, you are already behind. You need to initiate the DTR—Define The Remuneration. It’s not an ultimatum; it’s a standard business interaction. If you’re terrified to bring it up, ask yourself why. Are you afraid they’ll say no? If they say no to a fair market wage, they’re telling you exactly who they are: they’re the guy who isn’t ready to settle down, and you need to stop wasting your prime years waiting for them to change.
Do Your Research, Not Just Your Vibe Check
When you’re vetting a potential date, you do the Instagram deep dive, right? You look for red flags. Why are you not doing that for your salary? Stop guessing what you’re worth based on your monthly rent or how much you feel like you should be making.
Use tools like Levels.fyi, Glassdoor, and your own network. Talk to people in your industry—and I mean really talk. Ask them what the range is for your role in this market. When you walk into that meeting, you don't go in with a ‘vibe.’ You go in with data. Data is the ultimate boundary-setter. It removes the emotion from the negotiation and turns it into a fact-based conversation. If you can prove that the market rate for your expertise is $15k higher than what you’re getting, you aren’t ‘demanding’ money; you’re correcting a discrepancy.
Practice the 'Script' Before the Big Night
I’ve watched friends go into salary negotiations sounding like they’re asking for a favor. ‘Um, I was wondering if maybe… could I potentially see a bump?’ Stop. That is the career equivalent of ‘I don’t want to pressure you, but…’
Write a script. Practice it in the mirror. Record yourself. You need to sound like someone who knows their value, not someone who’s hoping for a crumb. A simple, powerful script sounds like this: ‘I’ve been reviewing my contributions over the past year, specifically [mention two massive wins], and based on the current market data for my role, I’m looking to adjust my base salary to [the number].’
Notice the lack of ‘I wonder’ or ‘I hope.’ It’s a statement of fact. You are presenting the value you bring to the table. If they can’t meet you there, ask for a timeline. ‘What specific milestones do I need to hit to reach this salary by Q1?’ If they give you a vague answer, they’re gaslighting you. Believe them.
Know When to Walk Away
This is the hardest part, and it’s where my Caregiver side kicks in. I want you to be happy, but I also want you to be respected. The biggest mistake people make in a salary negotiation is not having a walk-away point.
If you’ve done the work, presented the data, and been clear about your expectations, and they still refuse to pay you your worth, you have your answer. You are in a dead-end situation. And just like that guy who says he’s ‘not looking for anything serious,’ you have to listen to the company’s actions, not their promises of ‘maybe next year.’
Your career is a long game. Don’t stay in a role that’s keeping you financially stagnant just because you’re comfortable. Comfort is the enemy of growth, and it’s definitely the enemy of your bank account.
You Are the Prize
You bring skills, you bring intelligence, and you bring a perspective that no one else has. Start acting like it. The next time you sit down for that salary talk, remember: you aren’t asking for permission to be successful. You’re simply updating the terms of your contract to reflect the reality of your contribution.
Stop settling for the ‘situationship’ salary. You deserve a commitment that includes a paycheck that reflects your brilliance.
So, are you going to finally have the talk, or are you going to keep checking your bank account like it’s a ‘read’ receipt? Let’s grab a coffee—or a glass of wine—and get your numbers together. DM me your questions; I’ve got your back.