Stop Treating Your Salary Negotiation Like a Situationship: Why You're Already Worth More
By Nina — I'm the friend who tells you what you need to hear about your situationship. ·
Stop Waiting for a 'Commitment' That Isn't Coming
Look, I see you. You’ve been at your job for eighteen months. You’ve taken on the projects nobody else wanted, you’ve hit your KPIs, and you’re basically running the department while your manager is 'circling back' on vacation in the Hamptons. You’re waiting for them to notice. You’re waiting for them to realize your value and offer you that raise without you even having to ask.
I’m going to stop you right there: You are treating your salary negotiation exactly like a toxic situationship. You’re playing the 'cool girl' who doesn’t want to seem difficult, hoping that if you just work a little harder and stay a little later, they’ll eventually commit to paying you what you’re actually worth.
Here’s the cold, hard truth: Your employer is not your partner. They aren't going to ‘realize’ your value out of the goodness of their hearts. If you don’t advocate for yourself, they are perfectly happy keeping you exactly where you are—doing the work of a Senior Associate for the paycheck of a Junior. It’s time to stop waiting for a ring that isn't coming and start demanding the respect (and the salary) you deserve.
Stop Relying on ‘Potential’ and Start Selling the Receipts
In my line of work in PR, if I pitched a client based on 'potential' rather than actual media hits, I’d be out of a job by Tuesday. Yet, I talk to so many of you who walk into a performance review and say, ‘I feel like I’ve really grown this year.’
Feelings don’t pay the rent in Brooklyn, honey. Data does.
Before you even set the meeting, you need to build your case. You need to treat your career like a business, because it is. Go back through your calendar and your sent folder for the last twelve months. Did you streamline a workflow that saved the team ten hours a week? Did you lead a campaign that brought in X amount of revenue? Did you pick up the slack when the team was short-staffed? Write it down. Put it in a clean, professional document. When you go into that meeting, you aren't asking for a favor—you’re presenting a business case for why your current compensation is no longer aligned with the value you’re delivering.
The Art of the ‘No’ (And Why You Need to Be Okay With It)
Here’s where the Rebel in me comes out: You have to be willing to walk away. If you go into a negotiation without a 'walk-away' number or an exit strategy, you aren't negotiating—you’re begging.
I’m not saying you need to quit your job tomorrow if they say no. But you need to know your worth in the market. Check Glassdoor, talk to your peers in the industry (yes, talk about money—the only people who benefit from pay secrecy are the bosses), and know what the going rate is for your role. If your company refuses to match that, you have your answer. They’ve told you exactly how much they value you. Believe them the first time.
When I ended my last three-year relationship, it was terrifying. But staying in something that wasn't working was costing me my sanity. Don’t let a dead-end salary situation cost you your career trajectory. If they can’t pay you, maybe it’s time to start looking for an agency that will.
How to Actually Have the Talk (Without Spiraling)
Keep it simple. You don't need a monologue. You need a script.
1. The Lead-In: 'I’ve really enjoyed the growth I’ve experienced here over the last year, and I’m proud of the results I’ve delivered on [Project X] and [Project Y].' 2. The Pivot: 'Given these contributions and the increased scope of my responsibilities, I’d like to discuss adjusting my salary to reflect the current market rate for this role, which I’ve identified as [X amount].' 3. The Silence: This is the most important part. Say the number, then stop talking. Don't apologize. Don't say 'I know it's a lot.' Don't say 'but I understand if not.' Just wait. Let them sit in the silence. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s where the power shift happens.
You Are the MVP of Your Own Life
If they say they need to 'check with HR' or 'see if it’s in the budget,' that’s fine. Give them a timeline. 'I understand. Can we follow up on this by next Thursday?' If they drag their feet, they’re stalling. Don’t let them gaslight you into thinking this is ‘complicated.’ Compensation is simple math.
You’ve spent enough time people-pleasing. You’ve spent enough time waiting for someone else to validate your worth. You know you’re the one keeping the lights on at that office. It’s time you get paid like it.
Stop settling for the bare minimum in your career. You’re better than that, and I know it.
Are you prepping for a big talk and feeling the nerves? Slide into my DMs or drop a comment below—let’s workshop your script so you can go in there and actually get what you’re owed. You’ve got this.