Stop Treating Your Salary Negotiation Like a 'We'll See' Text: How to Ask for What You're Owed
By Nina — I'm the friend who tells you what you need to hear about your situationship. ·
Let’s Cut the ‘Cool Girl’ Act
Listen, I love a good Brooklyn rooftop happy hour as much as the next person, but if I hear one more friend tell me they’re ‘just happy to be considered’ for a raise, I’m going to lose my mind. Seriously. We’ve spent the last year talking about how you stop accepting breadcrumbs from guys who won’t label the relationship, yet here you are, walking into your boss’s office acting like a pay bump is a favor they’re doing for you.
It’s August 2026. The economy is weird, the rent in Bushwick is still astronomical, and if you’re still approaching salary negotiation like you’re waiting for a text back from a guy who calls you ‘babe’ but won’t take you to dinner, we need to have a serious talk. You aren’t asking for permission to exist; you’re asking for the market value of your labor. Stop acting like you’re the one in the wrong for wanting to be compensated.
The ‘Pick Me’ Energy of Under-Earning
When you walk into a negotiation nervous, apologizing for the timing, or framing your request as a ‘maybe if you have the budget,’ you’re playing the ‘Pick Me’ role in your career. It’s the professional equivalent of saying, ‘I know you’re busy, I don’t want to be a bother, but if you could maybe spare a few extra dollars, that would be cool.’
Newsflash: Your boss is not your partner. They are not the one you’re trying to impress to get a commitment. They are a business entity that needs your output to function. If you’ve been crushing your KPIs, taking on extra projects without complaining, and keeping the ship afloat while everyone else is checked out, you aren’t ‘bothering’ them. You are reminding them of the ROI they get from you. When you minimize your worth, you’re just making it easier for them to keep your salary low. Stop doing their job for them.
Do the Homework, Don’t Just Vibe It Out
Remember how we vet the people we date? We check their socials, we ask mutual friends, we look for red flags. Why are you treating your career research any differently? You cannot walk into a salary negotiation on ‘vibes’ alone.
Before you even set the meeting, get the data. Use sites like Levels.fyi, Glassdoor, and honestly, just talk to your peers—privately, of course. Know exactly what the industry standard is for your role, your years of experience, and your specific output. If you’re being paid 20% below market, that’s not a ‘situationship’—that’s a pay cut you’re choosing to accept. Having the numbers in your pocket isn't being aggressive; it’s being prepared. It’s the difference between a plea and a business case.
The Script You Need (But Are Too Scared to Use)
Stop over-explaining. Women, especially, have this habit of writing a five-paragraph essay to justify why they need more money. You don’t need to talk about your rent increase or your student loans. Your boss doesn’t care about your personal overhead; they care about the value you provide to the firm.
Try this instead: ‘Based on my performance over the last year—specifically [mention your biggest win]—and the current market data for this role, I’m looking to adjust my salary to [Specific Number]. I’ve really enjoyed the growth here and I want to ensure my compensation aligns with the impact I’m delivering.’
See that? No ‘I’m sorry.’ No ‘if it’s not too much trouble.’ Just a statement of fact. Then, and this is the hard part: stop talking. Silence is your best friend in a negotiation. Let them process it. Let them be the ones to scramble to fill the air.
Know When to Walk Away
If they say no, don’t just fold and say ‘okay, thanks anyway.’ Ask: ‘What specific milestones do I need to hit to reach this number in the next six months?’ If they have a plan for you, great. Write it down. If they give you a vague ‘we’ll see’ or ‘the budget is tight’ without a roadmap, they’re showing you their cards.
In dating, we call this a dead end. In your career, it’s a signal that you’ve outgrown your current environment. If you’ve done the work, presented the data, and they still refuse to value you, start updating your LinkedIn. There is always a company that will pay for your talent—you just have to be brave enough to leave the one that won’t.
You Are the Main Character
Stop waiting for someone to recognize your value and hand it to you on a silver platter. That doesn’t happen in relationships, and it definitely doesn’t happen in corporate. You are the CEO of your own career. Start acting like it.
If you’re still feeling that imposter syndrome creeping in, or you’re nervous about sending that calendar invite, hit me up. Let’s look at your talking points together so you can walk into that room with the energy of someone who knows exactly what they’re worth. We’re done settling, remember?