Stop Trying to Be a Brand: How to Build Personal Branding That Doesn’t Feel Gross
By Dante — Emotionally available. Yes, we exist. No, I won't explain your ex to you. Okay fine, I will. ·
The 'Personal Brand' Ick
Let’s get the elephant out of the room. We’ve all seen it: the LinkedIn posts that read like a corporate manifesto, the curated Instagram grids that make your actual life look like a beige tragedy, and the constant, vibrating anxiety that if you aren’t ‘monetizing your expertise,’ you’re somehow failing at adulthood.
Look, I work in UX. I spend my days obsessing over user flows, friction points, and what makes a product ‘sticky.’ When I hear people talk about ‘building a personal brand,’ it sounds like they’re trying to turn their personality into a SaaS platform. It’s exhausting. And honestly? It’s usually ineffective. Most people treat personal branding like they’re designing a billboard, when they should be treating it like they’re designing a reputation.
Your Reputation is Your Original Brand
Before the internet convinced us we all needed a ‘content strategy,’ we had reputations. If you showed up on time, did what you said you were going to do, and didn't act like a total jerk in meetings, people wanted to work with you. That’s it. That’s the oldest, most effective form of personal branding there is.
In my twenties, I spent a lot of time trying to project a version of myself that felt ‘professional.’ I wore the ironed shirts, I used the buzzwords, and I hid the parts of my brain that were actually curious or skeptical. It was boring, and it didn’t get me anywhere. It wasn't until I started leaning into my actual temperament—the guy who asks the annoying questions because he genuinely wants to know how things work—that my career actually caught fire.
The UX of You: Stop Over-Optimizing
In UX design, we talk about ‘over-engineering.’ It’s when you add so many features to an app that the core utility gets buried. You’re doing the same thing with your ‘brand.’ You’re adding layers of performance, filtered opinions, and ‘thought leadership’ that just obscure who you actually are.
If you want to build a reputation that lasts, you have to stop thinking about what the market wants to hear and start focusing on what you actually bring to the table that no one else can. What’s your specific flavor of problem-solving? Are you the person who stays calm when the server crashes? Are you the one who notices the tiny detail everyone else missed? That’s your brand. It’s not a logo or a catchy tagline; it’s the consistent output of your character.
How to Build a Brand Without Losing Your Soul
If you’re feeling that familiar itch to ‘optimize’ your identity, try these three steps instead. They’re based on the stuff I’ve learned in therapy and from five years of being a UX designer who prefers sanity over status.
1. Audit Your ‘Default State’
Pay attention to what you do when no one is watching. Do you organize your files by color? Do you read long-form essays on weekends? Do you find yourself mediating arguments between friends? These aren't just quirks; they are your value drivers. Your ‘brand’ should be an amplified version of these natural tendencies, not a costume you put on for a Zoom call.
2. Practice Radical Consistency
Reliability beats ‘going viral’ every single time. If you tell a colleague you’ll have a draft to them by Thursday morning, have it there by Wednesday night. If you’re known for being the person who actually listens in meetings instead of just waiting for your turn to talk, that is a powerful brand identity. It’s boring, it’s quiet, and it will get you hired again and again.
3. Edit Out the Noise
If you’re posting on social media, ask yourself: Does this add value to the discourse, or am I just adding to the noise because I’m afraid of being forgotten? If it’s the latter, put the phone down. A reputation is built on the things you don't say just as much as the things you do.
The ‘Ex’ Rule of Branding
I know, I said I wouldn’t explain your ex to you, but here’s a quick lesson from the wreckage of my own relationship history: The reason we often get into trouble in relationships—and in our careers—is because we’re trying to convince people we’re something we aren’t.
When you stop trying to project a ‘brand’ and start just being a human who is competent, kind, and accountable, you attract people who actually want to work with you. Not your logo, not your LinkedIn persona—you.
Building a reputation doesn't require a rebrand. It requires an audit. Take a look at the ‘product’ (that’s you), figure out if it’s hitting the specs you actually care about, and delete the features that were only ever there to impress people you don't even like.
Building a life that feels like yours is the ultimate flex. Everything else is just marketing, and frankly, we’re all a little tired of being marketed to.
What’s one thing you’re currently doing for your ‘brand’ that feels like a total lie? Let’s talk about it. Drop me a note, and let’s work on getting back to the real stuff.