Stop Waiting for Your 'Purpose' to Drop from the Sky
By Dante — Emotionally available. Yes, we exist. No, I won't explain your ex to you. Okay fine, I will. ·
The 'Purpose' Trap
I spent most of my twenties thinking that "finding my purpose" was like waiting for a lightning strike. I figured one day, I’d be staring at a sunset or closing a Figma file, and a booming voice from the heavens would say, Dante, you were put on this earth to optimize mobile navigation menus.
Spoiler: It didn’t happen.
After five years in a relationship that ended with both of us realizing we were just holding space for each other until we grew up, I realized something. We treat "purpose" like it’s a hidden treasure buried in the backyard of our lives. We dig until we’re exhausted, get frustrated that we haven’t found a gold bar, and then decide we’re failures.
Here’s the reality check: Purpose isn’t a destination. It’s not a job title, and it’s definitely not a static state of being. It’s an iterative process. It’s a design project where you’re the lead designer, the user, and the stakeholder, and you’re constantly pushing updates based on user feedback. And the user is you.
Treat Your Life Like a Design Sprint
In UX, we talk about “user pain points.” We look at what’s broken, what’s slow, and what’s causing friction. If you’re feeling unmoored, stop trying to solve for “What is my soul’s calling?” and start solving for “What is the friction in my current Tuesday?”
When I was in the thick of my post-breakup haze, my purpose felt like it had evaporated. I wasn’t a "partner" anymore, and I didn’t feel like a "designer" either. I felt like a guy in a Chicago apartment with too much coffee and not enough direction. So, I stopped looking for the Big Answer. I started looking for small, high-impact changes.
I started volunteering at a local community center because I missed having a human connection that wasn’t filtered through a screen. Did it become my "purpose"? No. But it provided data. It told me, Hey, you like helping people solve tangible problems. That data point led to me mentoring junior designers, which led to me getting into coaching.
Actionable Data Points for Your Life
If you’re feeling lost, you aren’t broken. You’re just experiencing a lack of data. Here is how you start gathering it:
1. The 'Energy Audit': Keep a log for three days. Note every hour: Did this activity drain my battery or charge it? Don't worry about the "why" yet, just track the energy. Most people are surprised to find that their “dream” hobbies are actually exhausting, while the boring, quiet stuff is what actually fills the tank.
2. Identify the 'Good Friction': There’s bad friction (unhealthy relationships, a soul-crushing commute) and there’s good friction (the struggle to learn a new skill, the discomfort of an honest conversation). If you’re avoiding all friction, you’re not finding a purpose; you’re finding a comfort zone. Purpose usually lives on the other side of something that feels slightly awkward at first.
3. Kill the 'One Big Thing' Myth: You don’t need to be defined by one singular mission. You can be a designer, a gardener, a decent friend, and someone who makes a really good Sunday sauce. That’s not a lack of focus; that’s a full life.
The Therapy Perspective (Without the Couch)
My therapist once told me, “Dante, you’re trying to build a house before you’ve even bought the land.”
We spend so much time obsessing over the blueprints of our future "purpose" that we ignore the fact that we’re currently living on a swamp. If your mental health is shaky, or if you’re still carrying around the baggage of an ex who didn’t value your boundaries, you aren’t going to find your purpose. You’re just going to find a way to distract yourself from your current reality.
Purpose isn’t a mask you wear to feel important. It’s the byproduct of being honest with yourself. When you start living in alignment with what you actually value—not what your parents value, not what LinkedIn tells you to value—the “purpose” part starts to take care of itself. It stops being a search and starts being a way of moving through the world.
You Are the User
Stop waiting for the lightning strike. You are the one who has to decide what matters. If you’re feeling lost, start by auditing your days. Look for the small things that make you feel like you’re actually present in your own life.
If you find yourself stuck, that’s okay. We all get stuck. But don’t stay there just because you’re waiting for someone else to give you a map. The map is in your search history, your energy levels, and the things you do when no one is watching.
And hey, if you’re currently spiraling because you feel like everyone else has their life figured out and you’re still trying to figure out how to fold a fitted sheet, reach out. We can talk about it. Usually, the first step is just admitting you’re confused. It’s a great place to start. Shoot me a message—I’m around.