The Salary Negotiation Script You Actually Need (Because Pretending to Be a Shark Doesn’t Work)
By Dante — Emotionally available. Yes, we exist. No, I won't explain your ex to you. Okay fine, I will. ·
Look, I’ve been around the block in the Chicago tech scene long enough to know that we’ve all got this weird, collective trauma around asking for more money. We treat salary negotiation like it’s a high-stakes poker game where the dealer is looking for a reason to kick us out. Spoiler: They aren’t. Most of the time, they’re just waiting for you to tell them what you’re worth so they can check a box and move on to their next meeting.
I’ve spent the last few years unlearning the idea that “being professional” means “being quiet.” As a UX designer, my entire job is advocating for the user. It took me a long time to realize that in a salary negotiation, I am the user. And if I don’t clearly define the value proposition, the experience is going to be mediocre for everyone involved.
Stop Treating It Like a Breakup
I’ve had a few DMs lately from people who feel like asking for a raise is a “betrayal” to their team. Let’s clear the air: Your company is a business, not your family. I spent five years in a relationship that ended because we were both holding onto a version of each other that didn’t exist anymore. That was painful. Your paycheck? That’s just math.
When you approach a negotiation as a confrontation, you’re already losing. You’re coming in with defensive body language and a chip on your shoulder. Instead, think of it as a design project. You’re presenting a set of data points to show why your current output—the “product”—deserves a higher price point. If you remove the emotional baggage, it’s just business. If they can’t handle a professional conversation about market rates, that’s not a reflection of your worth; that’s a reflection of their management style.
Do Your Homework (The Non-Creepy Way)
Before you even open your mouth, you need the data. I’m not talking about guessing what your coworker makes. I’m talking about actual market research. Use sites like Levels.fyi or reach out to recruiters who aren’t tied to your company.
When I was leveling up in my career, I started treating salary research like I treat user personas. Who is the hiring manager? What is their current pain point? If they’re struggling to ship a feature, and you’re the one holding the architecture together, that’s your leverage. You aren’t asking for more money because you “want” it; you’re asking for an adjustment to match the value you’re actively delivering. Frame your request around the company’s success, not your rent increase.
The “Silence Is Golden” Rule
This is the part everyone messes up. You state your number, and then you panic. You start rambling. You say, “I mean, I know that’s high, but I’ve been working really hard, and honestly, inflation is killing me, so…”
Stop. You’re undercutting yourself in real-time.
In therapy, we talk about the power of the pause. It’s the same in a boardroom. After you state your salary expectation, you have to be comfortable with the silence that follows. Let them sit with it. The first person to speak usually loses the leverage. If they’re silent, they’re either calculating or trying to see if you’ll fold. If you stay calm, keep eye contact (or stay steady on the Zoom call), and wait, you signal that you are confident in your assessment. Confidence isn’t arrogance; it’s competence.
What to Do When They Say “No”
If they hit you with the classic “we don’t have the budget,” don’t just walk away. That’s rarely the end of the conversation. Ask for the “how.”
“I understand the current budget constraints. What would it take for us to get to this number in six months? Can we define the specific performance metrics I need to hit to make this a reality?”
Now you’ve moved from a negotiation to a roadmap. You’ve put the ball in their court. If they can’t provide a clear path to a raise, then you have your answer about your future at that company. And honestly? That’s a gift. It tells you exactly when it’s time to update your portfolio and start looking elsewhere.
The Reality Check
Negotiating your salary isn’t about winning; it’s about alignment. If you’re being paid significantly below your value, you will eventually resent the work. That resentment will show up in your performance, your mood, and your life outside of the office.
I’m not saying you’ll get a "yes" every time. But you’ll be surprised at how much more respect you garner when you stop asking for permission to be paid fairly and start engaging in a professional conversation about the reality of the market. You aren’t “difficult” for knowing your worth; you’re just someone who knows how to design a better outcome.
Still feeling that post-negotiation anxiety? Or maybe you’re prepping for a big meeting and need to roleplay the hard parts? Hit me up in the DMs. I’ve heard every excuse in the book, and I’m happy to help you refine your script until you actually believe what you’re saying.