Why Your Startup Advice Is Probably Just Emotional Baggage in Disguise
By Dante — Emotionally available. Yes, we exist. No, I won't explain your ex to you. Okay fine, I will. ·
Look, I’ve been working in tech for a decade. I’ve seen the same cycle play out in Chicago boardrooms and Slack channels a thousand times: someone has a “disruptive” idea, they spend six months hyper-fixating on the color of their logo, and then they wonder why the product feels like a cold, empty room.
I’m a UX designer. My job is to figure out how humans actually interact with systems. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my time in therapy—and my five-year relationship that ended with a very quiet, very necessary realization—it’s that your business is just a reflection of your own neuroses.
If you’re looking for startup advice that helps you actually build something that lasts, stop reading the “get rich quick” threads on X. Let’s talk about the hard stuff.
Stop Trying to Fix Your Ex (or Your User)
People treat their first MVP like a partner they’re trying to change. You think, “If I just add this one feature, they’ll finally understand my value.”
Newsflash: Your users don’t care about your value. They care about their problems. In a relationship, if you’re constantly trying to “optimize” your partner, you’re not in a partnership; you’re in a project. In startups, if you’re constantly adding features to hide the fact that your core value proposition is weak, you’re not building a business; you’re just procrastinating on the work that actually matters.
Take a hard look at your roadmap. Is that feature there because the data tells you it solves a friction point, or is it there because you’re afraid to launch what you have? Release the ego. If your users aren’t using a feature, kill it. It’s not a breakup; it’s just software.
The “Founder Burnout” is Usually Just Poor Boundaries
I hear founders talk about “hustle culture” like it’s a badge of honor. It’s not. It’s a lack of boundaries. When I was 27, I thought being “available” 24/7 meant I was a good partner. Turns out, it just meant I was tired, resentful, and boring.
Startup advice usually tells you to sleep under your desk. I’m telling you to go home. Your brain does its best problem-solving when you aren’t staring at a Jira board. Go to a Cubs game. Take a walk by the lake. If your startup dies because you took a two-day weekend, your business model was fragile to begin with. Build a business that allows you to be a human being, because if you aren’t a human being, you’re going to build products for robots—and nobody wants to pay for those.
Radical Honesty with Your Co-Founder
I don’t care how much you like your co-founder. If you haven’t had a conversation about what happens when things go wrong, you’re just dating someone you haven’t fought with yet.
In therapy, we talk about “attachment styles.” In startups, we have “funding styles.” Are you building for an exit, or are you building a lifestyle business? If you’re pushing for growth and they’re pushing for stability, you’re going to break up. And unlike my five-year relationship, you’re going to have legal fees involved. Get the hard stuff in writing, and have the uncomfortable conversations about money and exit strategies while the bank account is still full. It’s not cynical; it’s called being an adult.
The UX of “No”
One of the most important things I do as a designer is tell people “no.” A stakeholder wants a flashy animation that slows down the site? No. A client wants a hidden navigation menu that makes no sense? No.
Early-stage founders are so afraid of saying no that they end up building a Frankenstein product that does ten things mediocrely. If your product doesn’t have a soul—a singular, focused point of impact—you’re just adding noise to an already loud world. Focus is the only competitive advantage that doesn't cost money.
You Are Not Your Startup
This is the most important piece of advice I can give you. When my relationship ended, I had to learn that I wasn’t “the guy who was in a relationship.” I was just Dante.
If your startup folds, you are still a person with skills, a brain, and a personality. If you wrap your entire identity into your pitch deck, you are setting yourself up for an identity crisis that no amount of Series A funding can fix. Stay grounded, keep your hobbies, and for the love of everything, don't make your company your entire personality.
Building a company is hard enough without all the emotional projection. Keep it simple, keep it honest, and remember that at the end of the day, it’s just a product.
Anyway, I’ve got a design sprint to prep for. If you’re currently spiraling because your co-founder is acting like your ex, or you just need a sanity check on your product roadmap, shoot me a message. I’m around.