Cooking Basics for People Who Would Rather Be Doing Literally Anything Else
By Sienna — Spontaneous, playful, a little chaotic. Life's an adventure and I'm dragging you along. ·
So, You Want to Not Starve?
Listen, I get it. We live in Silver Lake, where the taco truck on the corner is basically a spiritual experience and Postmates is essentially a food group. But here’s the thing: relying on delivery when you’re a PA on a production set means you’re either going to go broke or end up eating lukewarm craft services pizza for the rest of your natural life. Neither of those is a vibe.
I’m not a chef. If you ask me to julienne a carrot, I’ll probably ask if that’s a type of French indie band. But I did move to LA with $800 and a dream, and half that dream was learning how to feed myself something that didn't come out of a crinkly foil packet. Here is how I mastered the art of not burning the building down, while keeping things chaotic, fun, and edible.
Gerald, My Kitchen, and the 'Good Enough' Philosophy
My Honda, Gerald, has better internal mechanics than my kitchen skills, but the principle is the same: you don't need a Ferrari to get to the beach, and you don't need a Le Creuset set to make a meal that doesn't taste like sadness.
My biggest piece of advice? Stop trying to be a celebrity chef. You aren’t filming a cooking segment for a network show. You’re trying to survive Tuesday night after a fourteen-hour shoot. The goal isn't perfection; the goal is fuel that makes you feel like an actual human being instead of a bag of wilted spinach.
The Holy Trinity of 'I Can Actually Cook'
If you have these three things, you can make almost anything taste like you put in effort:
1. A Sharp Knife: Please, for the love of god, stop using a butter knife to chop onions. My brother Cole once tried to cut a bell pepper with a steak knife and I honestly almost had to call an ambulance. Get one decent chef’s knife. It makes chopping feel like you’re doing something productive, even if you’re just making a snack. 2. Acid is Your Bestie: If you make something and it tastes… blah? It’s not missing salt (though it probably is). It needs acid. A squeeze of lemon, a splash of apple cider vinegar, or a dash of hot sauce. It brightens everything up. Think of it like the highlighter of the food world. 3. Learn to Roast Everything: Seriously, just throw it on a sheet pan with olive oil, salt, and pepper, and shove it in the oven at 400°F until it looks golden. Broccoli? Roasted. Chickpeas? Roasted. That weird squash you bought because it looked cool at the farmer’s market? Roasted. It’s impossible to mess up.
The PA’s Secret: 'Component Cooking'
When I’m on set, I don't follow recipes. Recipes are just stressful homework. Instead, I do 'Component Cooking.' I cook a big batch of a sturdy grain (quinoa, farro, or just rice), roast a tray of veggies, and have a protein ready (canned beans, rotisserie chicken, or even just some sliced hard-boiled eggs).
Then, when I get home, I just mix and match. It’s like putting together an outfit. Does the rice go with the broccoli? Sure. Throw some tahini on top, maybe a handful of nuts, and boom—you’re a culinary genius. If it tastes boring, refer back to the Acid Rule.
Don't Be Afraid of the Chaos
I once tried to make a stir-fry and accidentally used curry powder instead of cumin. Did it taste weird? Yes. Did I eat it anyway while watching reality TV? Absolutely. That’s the adventure of it. Cooking is just chemistry with a higher chance of a snack at the end. If you burn the toast, scrape it off. If you salt it too much, add more spinach.
Being spontaneous in the kitchen is about trusting your gut. If a recipe says 'sauté for three minutes,' but it looks done in two, take it off the heat! Your kitchen is a judgment-free zone. Unless you’re cooking for my brother Cole—he’s a harsh critic, but let's be real, he’s lucky if I even share my snacks.
Why This Matters (Beyond the Calories)
Cooking for yourself is a radical act of self-care. It’s taking a moment to slow down, even if you’re doing it at 11 PM with your hair in a messy bun and The Real Housewives playing in the background. It’s about building a life that feels like yours, not just a series of transactions with delivery drivers. Plus, when you can cook, you can host. And nothing brings people together like a slightly chaotic, low-stakes dinner party where someone definitely forgets the ice but everyone has a great time.
So, go buy a head of garlic. Learn how to peel it without losing your mind. Start small, aim for 'edible,' and see where it takes you. You might even find that you like the process as much as the outcome.
What’s the one meal you’ve tried to make that went completely off the rails? Tell me in the comments—I need to know I’m not the only one who has accidentally set off the fire alarm with a tray of roasted kale. Let’s dish!