Burn the Vision Board: Why Goal Setting Needs a Reckoning in Your Second Act
By Sam — Divorced at 34. Rebuilt everything. Here to tell you the second chapter is better. ·
It’s October 2026. The air in Portland is turning that crisp, biting shade of autumn, and if you’re anything like I was four years ago, you’re looking at the calendar and feeling that familiar, low-grade panic. The end-of-year pressure is mounting, the 'New Year, New Me' marketing machine is starting to spin up, and you’re likely staring at a list of goals that feel more like a cage than a roadmap.
When I was 34, sitting in a lawyer’s office with a life that looked perfect on paper but felt like ash in my mouth, I realized something: most of the goals I had spent my twenties chasing were just borrowed dreams. I was hitting targets I didn't actually want to reach.
If you’re in your Second Act, you don’t need more productivity hacks. You need a demolition crew. Here is how I’ve learned to set goals that actually survive the messiness of real life.
Stop Chasing 'Shoulds' and Start Chasing 'Sovereignty'
In my corporate days, goal setting was a performance. It was about increasing quarterly KPIs, climbing the ladder, and making sure my LinkedIn profile signaled 'success.' But when my marriage ended and I left that Fortune 500 job, I realized I had been building a life for someone else.
True goal setting in your second chapter isn’t about what you should achieve. It’s about what you need to feel free.
The Audit: Take your current list of goals. For each one, ask: Does this bring me closer to who I am becoming, or is this just satisfying an old version of me that wanted to prove something to the world? If it’s the latter, delete it. Don’t archive it. Delete it. You’ll be shocked at how much energy returns to you the moment you stop trying to maintain a house you no longer live in.
The 'Frank' Method: Small, Sustainable, and Slightly Grumpy
I adopted Frank, a senior rescue terrier, about six months into my new life. Frank isn't interested in marathons or high-intensity training. He’s interested in a good walk, a nap in the sun, and consistent meals. He taught me more about sustainable goal setting than any management seminar ever did.
We tend to set goals like we’re sprinting a 100-meter dash, but life—especially when you’re co-parenting a six-year-old and freelancing for startups—is an ultra-marathon through mud.
Instead of massive, abstract goals like 'Start a Business' or 'Find Balance,' break them into 'Micro-Wins.'
- Instead of 'Start a Business,' try 'Draft a pitch deck for one potential client by Friday.'
- Instead of 'Be a better parent,' try 'Put the phone in a drawer for the two hours between school pickup and dinner.'
These tiny, non-negotiable actions build momentum. They’re the bricks. You can’t build a second chapter without a solid foundation, and you build that foundation by showing up for the small stuff every single day.
Embrace the 'Destruction' Phase
Here’s the thing about being an Explorer: you have to be comfortable with things falling apart. If you’re setting a goal to pivot your career or change your lifestyle, you are inherently setting a goal to destroy your current status quo.
People often ask me, 'Sam, aren't you afraid of losing your stability?' My answer is always the same: I already lost it. That was the best thing that ever happened to me.
When you set a goal, anticipate the friction. If you decide to prioritize your health, you might have to stop saying yes to every weekend social invite. If you decide to launch that consulting business, you might have to endure the uncertainty of an inconsistent paycheck for a few months. That isn't failure; that’s the cost of admission for a life you actually designed. Don’t be afraid of the wreckage. That’s where you find the materials to build something better.
The Quarterly Review (Not the Annual One)
Annual goals are a trap. The person you are in January is rarely the person you are in October. In my life, the variables change constantly—Lily has a new school project, a client project goes sideways, or I just need a week to unplug and hike the Columbia River Gorge.
Instead of a 12-month plan, work in 90-day sprints. Give yourself a singular, overarching focus for the quarter. Maybe Q4 is 'Build the client base.' Maybe Q1 is 'Deepen my relationship with my daughter.' Keep it singular. Keep it focused. And most importantly, give yourself the grace to pivot if the terrain changes.
Final Thoughts: The Second Chapter is Yours
Goal setting isn't about control. It’s about direction. It’s about waking up in the morning and knowing that your actions align with your values, not someone else’s expectations.
I’m 38 now. I’ve got a dog who snores at my feet, a daughter who thinks I’m the coolest person on earth even when I burn the toast, and a career that lets me work from anywhere. It isn’t perfect—nothing is—but it’s mine.
What are you trying to build as you head into the final stretch of this year? Are you still carrying around goals that don't belong to you? Let’s talk about it. Drop a comment below or shoot me a message—I’d love to hear what you’re planning to burn down so you can build something better.