Networking That Doesn't Suck: How to Build a Circle That Actually Matters
By Jordan — Discipline gets you there. Self-awareness keeps you there. ·
Stop Measuring Your Worth by Your Rolodex
I spent six years in the Marines. When you leave that environment, your entire support system is stripped away overnight. You go from having guys who would literally take a bullet for you to sitting in a quiet apartment in Tampa, wondering how the hell you’re supposed to build a 'network' without sounding like a desperate LinkedIn bot.
I’ve been where you are. I’ve gone to those stiff, awkward mixers where everyone is trading business cards like they’re playing a high-stakes game of Go Fish. I’ve felt that pit in my stomach—the one that tells you you’re being fake, that you’re selling out your integrity just to land a lead.
Here’s the truth: Most people suck at networking because they think it’s a numbers game. They think if they shake enough hands and collect enough emails, they’ll be successful. But discipline gets you there—the work you do—and self-awareness keeps you there. If your network is built on transactions instead of connections, it’ll be the first thing to collapse when life actually hits the fan. Let’s stop ‘networking’ and start building a circle that actually matters.
Get Real About Your Intentions
Before you send another cold DM or force a smile at a conference, I want you to ask yourself a hard question: What am I actually looking for?
Are you looking for a mentor? A friend who gets your industry? Or are you just looking for a shortcut to a promotion? People can smell a transaction a mile away. When I got out of the service, I tried to network for jobs. It felt hollow because I wasn't being honest about what I needed—which was, quite frankly, a sense of belonging.
When you approach someone, drop the script. Stop trying to ‘optimize’ your elevator pitch. If you want to connect with someone, be clear. ‘Hey, I’ve been following your work on [Project X], and I’m trying to navigate a similar challenge in my own business. I’d love to buy you a coffee and ask you two questions about how you handled the pivot.’ That’s not networking. That’s being a human being. Try it.
Cultivate the Art of the Follow-Up (Without the Creep Factor)
Most people fail because they think the ‘event’ is the networking. The event is just the appetizer. The real work happens in the follow-up. But here’s the kicker: don’t follow up just to stay on their radar. That’s annoying. Follow up because you actually have something of value to offer or a genuine curiosity to share.
I keep a simple log. If I meet someone, I take three minutes afterward to jot down one thing they mentioned that had nothing to do with their job. Did they mention their kid is graduating? Did they talk about a struggle they’re having with a specific process? Two weeks later, send a note: ‘Hey, thinking about what you said regarding [Topic]. I saw this article/tool/podcast and immediately thought of you.’ That builds a bridge. It proves you were listening. Listening is the most underrated skill in any professional setting.
Vulnerability is Your Best Strategic Asset
I talk about therapy a lot because it saved my life. It also saved my career. When I started coaching, I was terrified of showing weakness. I thought I had to be the ‘hard guy’ 24/7. But the moment I started being honest about my struggles—the transition, the anxiety, the hurdles—I noticed something: people actually wanted to work with me.
Your network is not a highlight reel. If you only show people your wins, they won't trust you. Why? Because nobody is perfect. If you’re presenting a flawlessly curated version of yourself, people feel inferior or suspicious. Be the guy or girl who says, ‘I’m struggling with this specific aspect of leadership.’ You’ll be shocked at how quickly the room opens up. Vulnerability isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a signal that you’re a safe person to know.
Audit Your Circle Often
Self-awareness isn’t just for your internal life; it’s for your external one, too. Take a good, hard look at the people you spend the most time with. Are they pushing you to be better? Are they holding you accountable to your discipline? Or are they just there for the good times when things are easy?
If your circle is full of people who only want to talk about the surface-level stuff, you’re going to stay surface-level. You need people who will tell you when you’re screwing up. I have two mentors who are allowed to tell me I’m being an idiot, and I pay for that privilege in humility. Find people who challenge your perspective, not just your profit margins.
The Bottom Line
Networking is just another word for building a community. If you approach it with the same discipline you apply to your fitness or your work, but balance it with the vulnerability required to be a real human, you won’t ever have to feel like a used car salesman again. You’ll just be a person people want to be around.
There is no hack for human connection. It takes time, it takes being present, and it takes the courage to be seen.
I’m curious—what’s the biggest barrier you feel when you’re trying to meet new people? Is it the fear of rejection, or the feeling that you don’t have enough to offer? Let’s talk about it. Drop a comment or send me a message. I’m here, and I’m listening.