Networking Tips That Aren’t Just Shaking Hands: Building Real Leverage
By Jordan — Discipline gets you there. Self-awareness keeps you there. ·
Look, I get it. The word 'networking' makes most people want to break out in hives. You picture a sterile hotel ballroom, lukewarm coffee in a styrofoam cup, and a bunch of people hovering near the shrimp cocktail, waiting for the exact moment they can pitch you their startup or hand you a business card you’re going to throw in the trash by Thursday.
I’ve spent the last few years coaching people who are tired of the hustle. After I left the Corps, I felt like a fish out of water. I thought networking was about 'who you know,' and I spent months trying to mimic the loud, slick types. It didn't work. It felt fake, and honestly, it was exhausting.
Discipline gets you there, but if you’re building your circle on a foundation of fake handshakes and transactional relationships, you won’t stay there. You’ll burn out. Real connection is about leverage, and leverage is built on trust. Here is how you actually do it.
Stop Looking for 'Opportunities,' Start Looking for Humanity
When you walk into a room—or hop on a Zoom call—with the sole intention of ‘getting something,’ people can smell it. It’s like a scent. If you’re looking for a job, a lead, or a favor, you’re positioning yourself as a beggar.
Instead, walk in as a human being. When I was in the service, we didn’t care about resumes. We cared about whether we could trust the person standing next to us when things went sideways. That translates to the civilian world, too. Start by asking, 'What is this person dealing with right now?' Everyone has a stressor. Everyone has a win they’re proud of. If you can acknowledge the human behind the job title, you’ve already bypassed 99% of the noise.
The 'Three-Minute Rule' for Authentic Engagement
Most people try to overstay their welcome in a conversation. They think they need to keep the other person trapped for twenty minutes to make an impression. It’s the opposite.
Try this: Aim for a three-minute interaction that is high-quality, then exit. Ask one good question—something that isn't 'what do you do?'—and listen. Try, 'What’s been the biggest challenge in your sector this quarter?' or 'How are you actually holding up with everything on your plate?'
Once you’ve listened, offer one piece of value or a simple thank you, and say, 'I know you’re here to meet a lot of people, so I’ll let you get to it. It was great meeting you.' Leaving a conversation while the energy is high is a power move. It shows you respect their time, and it makes you someone people actually want to run into again.
Vulnerability is Your Best Strategy
I know, I know—it sounds counterintuitive. In a professional setting, we’re taught to wear the armor. We’re taught to look like we have it all figured out. But let me tell you something: perfection is boring and it’s deeply unmemorable.
When I talk to potential partners or mentors, I don’t lead with my accolades. I tell them about the time I hit a wall after the Marines, or the time I completely botched a project because I didn't ask for help. When you show a little bit of your humanity—your struggles, your lessons, your ‘real’—it gives the other person permission to drop their guard. That is where real networking happens. That is where deep, long-term bonds are forged. You don’t want to be the guy everyone respects from a distance; you want to be the guy everyone trusts to be in the trenches with them.
Follow Up Like You Mean It (But Don’t Be a Pest)
Most people’s follow-up is garbage. It’s a canned email that says, 'Great meeting you, let’s grab coffee.' Don’t do that. Coffee is a time-sink if there’s no agenda.
If you meet someone you actually want to know, send a follow-up that references something specific you discussed. 'Hey, it was great meeting you. I was thinking about what you said regarding that transition in your marketing department—if you ever want to bounce ideas off someone, I’ve got some experience there.'
Keep it short. Keep it relevant. And if they don’t reply? Let it go. Discipline means knowing when to push and when to respect a boundary. Not every interaction is meant to be a lifelong friendship, and that’s okay.
The Long Game
Networking isn't a sprint to get a business card. It’s the slow, steady work of building a community. It’s about being a person who shows up, who listens, and who isn't afraid to be real. You don’t need a massive list of contacts; you need a small group of people who know who you are and what you stand for.
If you’re out there grinding away, trying to fake your way into a room, stop. Take a breath. Look at who you are and what you have to offer, and start leading with that. You’d be surprised at how fast doors open when you stop trying to kick them down.
How’s your current circle looking? Are you surrounding yourself with people who challenge you, or just people who look good on paper? Hit reply or drop a comment below—I want to hear about what you’re working on.