Networking Tips That Don’t Make You Feel Like A Used Car Salesman
By Jordan — Discipline gets you there. Self-awareness keeps you there. ·
Stop Being a 'Networker' and Start Being a Human
I’ll be honest: I hate the word “networking.” It sounds like something you do at a convention center in a cheap suit while clutching a lukewarm coffee and a stack of business cards you’re going to throw away in a week. When I got out of the Marines, everyone told me I needed to “get out and network.” I felt like a fraud. I didn’t want to trade favors; I wanted to find purpose.
If you treat networking like a game of transactional chess, people are going to smell the desperation on you from ten feet away. You aren’t a social climber, and you aren’t a corporate pawn. You’re a person with a story, a skill set, and a set of values. If you want to build a circle that actually matters, you have to stop looking at people as stepping stones and start looking at them as humans.
The Vulnerability Audit
Before you go out and try to meet new people, you need to be a little bit self-aware—my favorite topic. If you’re trying to expand your professional circle but you’re hiding behind a persona, you’re going to attract the wrong crowd.
Six years in the Corps taught me that you can’t build trust without a little bit of skin in the game. I don’t mean you need to trauma-dump on a potential mentor over lunch. I mean you need to be honest about what you don’t know. When you walk into a room—digital or physical—and admit, “Hey, I’m trying to figure this piece out and I’m hitting a wall,” you’re doing something radical. You’re inviting collaboration instead of competition. People are naturally wired to help, but they can’t help you if you’re busy posturing like you’ve got it all handled.
Actionable Strategy: The 'Value-First' Approach
If you want to reach out to someone you admire, stop asking for a “coffee chat to pick their brain.” Nobody wants their brain picked. It’s an extraction, not a conversation.
Instead, use the Value-First approach. It’s simple, it’s disciplined, and it works.
1. Research their current friction. What is this person working on right now? Read their recent posts, listen to their interviews, or look at their company’s recent press. What’s the problem they’re trying to solve? 2. Identify a gap. Do you have a resource, a perspective, or a piece of data that could help them solve that problem? 3. The Outreach. Send a short, direct message: “Hey [Name], I saw your work on [Project]. It hit home because [Reason]. I’ve been researching [Topic] lately and found this [Article/Tool/Insight] that seemed relevant to what you’re tackling. No pressure to reply, just thought you’d appreciate it.”
That’s it. You aren’t asking for a job. You aren’t asking for a referral. You’re providing value. If they reply, great. If they don’t, you’ve still done the work to build your own expertise.
Discipline in the Follow-Through
Most people are great at the initial reach-out and terrible at the maintenance. This is where the discipline comes in. Networking isn’t a one-and-done event; it’s a garden. If you plant the seed and never water it, it dies.
Put a system in place. I use a simple spreadsheet. If I meet someone interesting, I set a reminder for 90 days out to check in. Not to ask for something, but to share something. “Hey, I remember we talked about X, and I just saw this article that reminded me of our conversation. Hope you’re doing well.” It takes two minutes. It keeps you on their radar. Most people won’t do this, which is exactly why you should.
Stop Chasing 'High-Value' Targets
We all want to know the person at the top of the food chain. But here’s the reality: the people who will actually change your life are the people currently in the trenches with you, or one step ahead of you.
Don’t ignore the person sitting next to you at the seminar because they don’t have a fancy title. They might be the ones who introduce you to your next client, or they might be the ones who keep you sane when the work gets hard. Discipline is about showing up for the people who are currently in your orbit, not just the ones you wish were there.
The Bottom Line
Networking is just human connection with a professional lens. If you’re honest about where you’re at, disciplined about how you maintain your relationships, and generous with the value you bring to the table, you don’t need to “network.” You just need to build a community.
Stop trying to be impressive. Start trying to be useful. The career stuff? That’ll follow.
I’m curious—what’s the biggest barrier you hit when you’re trying to meet new people? Is it the impostor syndrome, or just not knowing what to say? Hit me up in the comments or shoot me a message. Let’s break it down.