Stop Networking Like a Used Car Salesman: How to Build Authentic Connections That Actually Matter
By Jordan — Discipline gets you there. Self-awareness keeps you there. ·
Most people treat networking like a transaction. They walk into a room—or jump onto a Zoom call—holding their business card like a weapon, looking for someone to ‘utilize’ or ‘leverage.’ They treat human beings like rungs on a ladder.
I’ve spent six years in the Marines and a few more navigating the civilian world after a rough exit. If there’s one thing I learned in the Corps, it’s that when the chips are down, you don’t care about someone’s job title or their net worth. You care about whether they’re reliable, whether they’re honest, and whether they’ve got your back.
Networking isn't about collecting LinkedIn connections; it’s about building a tribe. Discipline gets you there, but self-awareness keeps you there. If you’re tired of the ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ networking culture, it’s time to stop hunting and start connecting.
Kill the Transactional Mindset
When I first got out of the service, I felt lost. I went to a few of those typical networking mixers in Tampa, suit on, sweating through my shirt, trying to pitch myself to people who clearly didn’t care. It felt hollow. It felt cheap.
If you approach people with the mindset of ‘what can you do for me,’ you’re already losing. People have a radar for desperation and insincerity. If you’re just looking for a lead or a favor, you’re not networking; you’re begging.
Instead, lead with curiosity. When you meet someone new, ask yourself: What is this person’s story? Everyone has a crucible—a moment that defined them, a failure that broke them, or a win that changed their trajectory. When you focus on the human, the professional connection becomes a natural byproduct, not the primary goal.
Vulnerability Is Your Greatest Asset
I know, I know. You’ve been told to keep it professional. Keep the guard up. Don’t show weakness.
That’s garbage advice. In my practice, the most successful people I work with are the ones who can admit when they don’t know something. Real strength is being secure enough in your own skin to say, ‘I’m trying to figure this out, and I’m hitting a wall.’
When you approach a mentor or a peer with actual, raw honesty, you bypass the small talk. You signal that you’re a real person, not a walking bio. People are drawn to authenticity because it’s rare. Be the person who isn’t afraid to talk about the hard stuff. It builds trust faster than any resume ever could.
The Three-Touch Rule for Genuine Maintenance
Networking isn't a one-time event; it’s a garden. You have to water it. Most people reach out only when they need a job or a referral. That’s not networking; that’s using people.
I use a ‘Three-Touch Rule’ to keep my circle tight and healthy:
1. The Insight Touch: If you see an article, a podcast, or a book that reminds you of someone, send it to them. Don’t ask for anything. Just say, ‘Saw this, thought of our conversation, hope you’re doing well.’ 2. The Wins Touch: Celebrate their success. If they got a promotion or launched a project, reach out with a genuine ‘Well done.’ People are quick to criticize and slow to praise. Be the person who praises. 3. The 'How Can I Help?' Touch: Every few months, check in with your core group. Don’t ask for a favor. Ask, ‘What’s the biggest challenge on your plate right now?’ If you can provide a resource, a connection, or even just a different perspective, do it.
Stop Being Everywhere, Start Being Somewhere
There is a massive pressure to be active on every platform—LinkedIn, X, industry mixers, local clubs. It’s burnout city. You don't need a thousand connections. You need ten people who actually know who you are and respect your character.
Pick one or two spaces where you can genuinely contribute. If you’re an engineer, don’t go to every generic business mixer. Find the niche groups where you can offer value. Show up consistently. When you show up, be present. Put the phone away. Give people your undivided attention. In a world of infinite distraction, the greatest gift you can give someone is the feeling that they are the only person in the room.
The Hard Truth About Your Network
If you’re struggling to build a network, the problem might not be your social skills. It might be your self-awareness. Are you a person other people want to be around? Are you reliable? Do you follow through on what you say you’ll do?
Discipline in your own life—showing up on time, keeping your word, doing the work—is the most attractive networking tool you have. If you aren't a person of value, no amount of schmoozing will save you.
Take a hard look at who you are when you’re not trying to impress anyone. That’s the version of you that will build long-term, sustainable relationships.
Networking isn’t about being the loudest person in the room. It’s about being the most real person in the room. Stop chasing the ‘who’s who’ and start focusing on the ‘who am I.’ The rest will follow.
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Look, I know putting yourself out there is uncomfortable. It’s supposed to be. If you’re feeling stuck or you’re tired of playing the game, send me a message. Let’s talk about what’s actually holding you back—not just from the next job, but from the connections you actually want. Shoot me a reply, and let’s get to work.