Stop Setting Goals You Don't Actually Want: A Reality Check on Goal Setting
By Jordan — Discipline gets you there. Self-awareness keeps you there. ·
The Mirage of Achievement
I spent six years in the Marines. In that environment, goal setting is simple: take the hill, secure the perimeter, survive the rotation. Goals aren’t abstract; they’re survival. But when I got out, I fell into the trap that I see most of my clients drowning in today. I started setting goals based on what I thought a 'successful' veteran—or a successful guy in his late twenties—was supposed to want.
I chased the promotion, the salary bump, and the specific aesthetic of a 'balanced life.' I checked all the boxes, and yet, I felt like I was running on a treadmill in a dark room. I was disciplined as hell, but I was disciplined about the wrong things.
Most of you aren't failing because you lack willpower. You’re failing because you’re setting goals that don’t align with your internal architecture. You’re trying to build a skyscraper on a swamp. It doesn't matter how disciplined you are; if the foundation is fake, the structure is going to collapse.
The 'Why' Behind the 'What'
Before you write down a single objective for the rest of 2026, I need you to do something uncomfortable: stop lying to yourself.
Most people set goals out of shame or comparison. You see a peer buying a house, so you set a goal to save for a down payment, even though you secretly want to spend the next two years traveling light. You see someone getting a promotion, so you push for a title change that will actually make you miserable.
Self-awareness is the audit you have to perform before you can set a target. If you don't know who you are, you’ll spend your life achieving goals that belong to someone else. Ask yourself these three questions, and be brutal with the answers:
1. If nobody on social media knew I achieved this, would I still want it? 2. What part of my daily life am I willing to sacrifice to make this happen? 3. Am I running toward something I love, or away from something I’m afraid of?
If the answer to that last one is 'I'm afraid,' you aren't setting a goal. You’re setting a distraction. And distractions don't sustain you through the hard days.
The Tactical Breakdown: Micro-Discipline
Once you’ve stripped away the ego-driven nonsense, you need a plan. People love the 'Big Vision.' Everyone wants the trophy, but nobody wants the training.
In the service, we didn't just talk about winning the war; we talked about cleaning the rifle, checking the gear, and getting enough sleep. You need to apply that same level of granular detail to your life. If your goal is to write a book, stop talking about it. Start with 200 words a day. If your goal is to get in shape, stop signing up for expensive gym memberships you won’t use and start walking for thirty minutes every single day.
Discipline isn't about grand gestures. It’s about the boring, repetitive tasks that you show up for when you’re tired, annoyed, or uninspired. If you can’t commit to the mundane, you don’t deserve the milestone.
The Vulnerability of Failure
Here’s the part most 'gurus' won't tell you: you’re going to miss.
You’re going to set a target, work your tail off, and come up short. That’s where the real work happens. When I was in therapy after the Corps, I had to learn that failure wasn't a character defect. It was just data.
When you miss a goal, don’t spiral into self-loathing. That’s a waste of energy. Instead, look at the data. Was the goal unrealistic? Did you lack the necessary skill set? Did you lose your focus because you were chasing someone else's definition of success?
Adjust the plan. Keep the mission, but change the tactics. Vulnerability is admitting that you didn't know how to do something yet. It’s okay to be a beginner. It’s okay to pivot. What’s not okay is staying stagnant because you’re too proud to admit you missed the mark.
Your Assignment for This Month
I want you to pick one thing. Just one. Not a list of ten, not a 'new year, new you' manifesto. Pick one objective that actually aligns with your values.
Write down what it will cost you. Write down the daily, boring habit that leads to it. And then, find one person—a friend, a partner, a coach—who will call you out when you start slacking.
Discipline is the engine, but self-awareness is the steering wheel. Without the wheel, you’re just moving fast in the wrong direction. Stop that. Get clear, get grounded, and get to work.
How’s your target looking for the next quarter? Are you actually chasing what you want, or are you just busy? Shoot me a message or drop a comment below—let’s look at the map together.