Stop Treating Networking Like a Transaction: Real Networking Tips for Human Connection
By Jordan — Discipline gets you there. Self-awareness keeps you there. ·
I remember the first time I walked into a professional mixer after I left the Corps. I was wearing a suit that felt like a straightjacket and holding a lukewarm beer, watching people trade business cards like they were playing Go Fish. Everyone was vibrating with this fake, high-octane energy, trying to shove their elevator pitch down the next person’s throat before the other person could escape to the buffet line.
I hated it. It felt dishonest. It felt like we were all just trying to use each other to get to the next rung on the ladder.
Six years later, I’ve realized that most people think networking is about "who you know." That’s wrong. It’s about who actually knows you—not the polished, LinkedIn-profile version of you, but the real, messy, human you. If you’re tired of the transactional grind, here is how you build a network that actually sustains you.
Stop Looking for a "Leverage" Opportunity
When you walk into a room—or a Zoom call—with the mindset of, "What can this person do for me?" you smell like desperation. People have a sixth sense for that. They pull back because they don't want to be a stepping stone; they want to be a human being.
Before you reach out to someone, ask yourself: Why am I doing this? If the answer is purely to get a job, a referral, or a sale, stop. Go back to the drawing board. Genuine connection requires curiosity. If you aren't actually interested in the other person’s story, their challenges, or their perspective, you aren't networking. You’re just cold-calling.
The "Two-Minute Rule" for Real Talk
We’ve all heard the advice to have a 30-second elevator pitch. Forget it. Nobody cares about your pitch until they care about you.
When you meet someone new, try the Two-Minute Rule. Spend the first two minutes asking questions about their work or their life. Don’t wait for your turn to talk; actively listen. If they mention a struggle they’re facing—maybe they’re burned out, or they’re navigating a messy team transition—don’t offer a solution immediately. Just acknowledge it. Say, "That sounds like a heavy lift. How are you holding up?"
That one question shifts the dynamic from "networking contact" to "peer." It shows vulnerability and invites them to do the same. That’s how you build a connection that lasts longer than the evening.
Vulnerability as a Strategic Asset
In the Marines, we learned that trust is the only currency that matters. You don't build trust by showing off your medals. You build it by being honest about where you’re failing.
I’m not saying you should spill your entire life story to a stranger at a coffee shop. But when you’re talking to someone you want in your circle, don't be afraid to drop the mask. If you made a mistake at work, talk about it. If you’re struggling to balance your coaching practice or your business, say that.
When you’re real, you give the other person permission to be real, too. That’s where the magic happens. A network built on shared truth is ten times stronger than one built on superficial "success" stories.
The Follow-Up That Isn't a Nudge
Most people follow up with, "Just checking in to see if you had any updates." That’s the fastest way to get your email ignored.
If you want to stay on someone’s radar, provide value. And no, value doesn't always mean a business lead. It can be an article that reminded you of something they said, a book recommendation that fits a challenge they mentioned, or even just a quick note saying, "Hey, I was thinking about that project you mentioned last month. Did you ever find a way to clear that hurdle?"
That shows you were paying attention. People rarely pay attention. When you do, you become memorable.
Audit Your Circle Often
Discipline gets you there, but self-awareness keeps you there. That applies to your network, too. Take a look at who you spend your time with. Are they pushing you to be better? Are they honest with you, even when you don't want to hear it? Or are they just people who agree with everything you say because it’s easier that way?
If your network is just an echo chamber, it’s useless. You need people who challenge your assumptions and hold you accountable. If you don't have those people, start looking for them. And be prepared to be the one who does the challenging, too.
Networking isn't about collecting business cards; it’s about building a tribe. It’s hard work, it takes time, and it requires you to show up as yourself—flaws and all. But I promise you, the quality of your life is directly tied to the quality of the people you surround yourself with.
So, quit the transactional game. Start showing up.
How’s your current network looking? Are you surrounded by "yes-men" or people who actually make you think? I’d love to hear how you’re navigating this. Shoot me a message or leave a comment—let’s talk about it.