Stop 'Trying' to Breathe: A Somatic Approach to Breathwork
By Aria — Your body is talking to you all the time. I'll help you learn the language. ·
It’s October in Denver, which means the air is getting that sharp, metallic edge to it. I spent last weekend up near Brainard Lake, just watching the aspens lose their grip. There’s something about that transition—the shedding of leaves, the cooling of the earth—that makes people want to 'fix' their internal temperature, too.
I get a lot of DMs this time of year asking for breathing exercises. Usually, the request comes with a side of frustration: “Aria, I tried box breathing, but it just made me feel like I was suffocating,” or “I do the 4-7-8 thing, but my heart rate just spikes.”
Here’s the thing: your breath isn't a performance. It’s an autonomic function. When you treat it like a chore you have to master, you’re just layering more cognitive demand onto a nervous system that’s already maxed out. Let’s talk about how to stop 'trying' to breathe and start letting the breath do the work for you.
The Neuroscience of the 'Force'
When we talk about breathwork, we’re really talking about hacking the Vagus nerve. It’s the highway that connects your brain to your gut, your heart, and your lungs. When you're stressed—or, in my college days, dealing with panic attacks that felt like a localized earthquake in my chest—your sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) takes the wheel. It tightens the intercostal muscles between your ribs.
If you try to force a 'calming' breath while those muscles are locked in a protective contraction, you’re fighting your own biology. It’s like trying to open a door while someone is leaning against the other side. You don’t need more technique; you need to address the physical tension first.
Step One: The Ribcage Release
Before you worry about counts or ratios, we need to make space. If you’re sitting at a desk, your diaphragm is likely compressed.
1. Find a chair where your feet hit the floor. Don’t worry about your posture—just let yourself be a little slumped. 2. Place your hands on the sides of your ribcage, right where your bra line or lower ribs sit. 3. Instead of trying to 'fill your lungs,' try to push your ribs into your palms. Don’t force the air in; just exert a little outward pressure with the muscles. 4. When you exhale, let your ribs collapse like a closing accordion.
This isn't 'meditative breathing.' It’s mechanical. You’re giving your nervous system a physical signal that there is room to move. If there’s room, there’s safety.
The 'Sigh' Is Not Just a Sound
We’ve been socialized to think sighing is a sign of annoyance or defeat. Physiologically, it’s actually the most efficient way to reset CO2 levels in the blood.
If you’re feeling that mid-afternoon 'frazzle,' don’t go for a complex pattern. Just do a physiological sigh. It’s two sharp inhales through the nose—one long, one short to top it off—followed by a long, audible exhale through the mouth. The double inhale pops open the tiny air sacs in your lungs (the alveoli) that collapse when we’re stressed. The long exhale is the signal to the brain that the immediate threat has passed.
I do this in the grocery store line. I do it before I teach. It’s understated, it’s quick, and it actually works because it’s based on how your lungs are built, not on how a guru told you to breathe in 1970.
Why Your Breath Feels 'Wrong'
If you’ve ever had a panic attack, you know that hyperventilation is a terrifying feedback loop. You breathe too fast, your blood chemistry changes, you feel dizzy, you breathe faster.
If you have a history of anxiety, certain breathwork practices—especially those involving breath retention (Kumbhaka)—can be triggering. If you feel that 'I’m going to pass out' sensation, stop. Immediately. Your body is telling you that it doesn't feel safe enough to hold its breath yet.
Listen to that. Somatic healing isn't about pushing through discomfort; it’s about expanding your window of tolerance. If a practice feels like a threat, drop it and go back to a simple, rhythmic exhale. The exhale is your anchor. The inhale is just the preparation for the release.
Building a Practice That Doesn't Feel Like Work
I don’t sit on a cushion for an hour. I don’t have the patience, and honestly, my nervous system prefers movement. My 'practice' is usually just noticing my breath while I’m hiking, or checking in with my rib movement while I’m waiting for the coffee to brew.
Your body is talking to you all the time. Right now, it might be saying, 'Hey, can we just soften the shoulders for a second?' If you can hear that, you’re already doing the work. You don't need an app. You don't need a gong. You just need to stop ignoring the signal.
Try the ribcage release today. Just for a minute. Notice how your body reacts when you give it permission to just exist without 'doing it right.'
How does your breath feel today? Does it feel trapped, or does it feel like it has room to move? Come find me on Instagram or leave a comment below—I’d love to hear what your body is trying to tell you this week.