The Art of Emotional Processing: Why We Need to Stop Running
By Sophie — I'm not your therapist, but I'll listen like one. No judgment, just honest space. ·
I remember sitting on my fire escape in Bushwick, mid-July, watching the sun dip behind the skyline. My chest felt like it was encased in concrete. I had a deadline looming, a text from my dad that I hadn't opened yet, and a general sense of 'too much' vibrating in my marrow. My immediate instinct? I opened Instagram, scrolled for twenty minutes, and then started aggressively cleaning my kitchen.
We love to stay busy when we feel heavy. It’s a survival mechanism, sure. But at some point, the backlog of un-felt feelings starts to take up more rent in our heads than our actual lives do. Processing emotions isn’t about 'getting over' things or finding a quick fix to feel better. It’s about the messy, quiet work of letting yourself actually experience the weather inside your own body.
The Difference Between Feeling and Ruminating
There is a massive distinction between processing an emotion and ruminating on a narrative. When we ruminate, we’re stuck in a loop. We’re asking 'Why did they say that?' or 'What if I’m always like this?' That’s just the brain trying to solve a puzzle that has no pieces.
True processing is somatic. It’s moving the energy out of the nervous system. When you’re stuck in a loop, your brain is spinning, but your body is often frozen. To process, we have to drop out of the head and check in with the physical sensation. Where is the tightness? What does the heaviness in your stomach actually feel like? Is it hot, cold, sharp, or dull? By naming the sensation, you take away its power to dictate your entire day.
Creating a 'Container' for Your Stuff
One of the biggest lessons I learned in my clinical research days—and one I’m still working on in my own therapy—is that you don’t have to process everything at once. You don’t have to drag your entire history into the living room every time you feel a pang of sadness.
I use a technique called 'containment.' If something heavy comes up while I’m at the grocery store or in the middle of a meeting, I acknowledge it, but I don’t try to 'solve' it right there. I say to myself, 'I see you, but I don’t have the capacity for this right now. I will make space for you at 7:00 PM.' Then, I put it in a mental box. The key is that you have to open that box later. If you don't, it just ends up leaking all over your life in the form of irritability or burnout.
The Pendulum Method
When I’m working with clients, I often suggest the 'Pendulum Method.' If you’ve ever experienced trauma or just deep, chronic stress, diving straight into the deep end of your emotions can feel retraumatizing.
Think of your emotional state like a pendulum. On one side, you have your trauma, your grief, or your stress. On the other side, you have your safety, your grounding, or your joy. When you feel overwhelmed, don't force yourself to stay in the heavy stuff. Spend two minutes feeling the grief, then shift your attention to something grounding—the texture of your sweater, the smell of your coffee, or a view out the window that makes you feel small in a good way. Swing back and forth. You’re teaching your nervous system that you can touch the heavy stuff and still return to safety.
Emotional Housekeeping: Practical Steps
If you’re feeling like you’ve been 'stuffing' things for a while, don’t try to overhaul your life in a weekend. Start small:
1. The Daily Download: Spend five minutes every evening with a pen and paper. Don’t worry about grammar. Just dump the 'noise' out of your head. Once it’s on paper, your brain feels less pressure to hold onto it. 2. Name It to Tame It: Dr. Dan Siegel coined this, but it holds up. When you feel a surge of anxiety, don't say 'I'm anxious.' Try, 'I’m feeling a sense of unease right now because I’m worried about this upcoming project.' The distinction between being an emotion and feeling it is everything. 3. Move the Energy: Emotions are literal energy in motion. If you’re angry, maybe you need to shake your arms out or go for a fast walk. If you’re sad, maybe you need to lie on the floor and let your body go heavy. Stop trying to 'think' your way through a feeling.
You Are the Safe Space
We spend so much time looking for someone else—a partner, a friend, a therapist—to tell us it’s okay to feel what we’re feeling. And while connection is vital, there is such a quiet, profound strength in becoming the person who says to yourself, 'I’m here. We’re going to sit with this. We’re going to get through it.'
I’m not suggesting this is easy. It’s hard work, and some days, I’m just as bad at it as anyone else. I have days where I just want to numb out completely. But the more I practice sitting with the discomfort, the less the discomfort runs my life.
You’re doing the work just by reading this. Give yourself a little credit today.
How are you holding space for yourself this week? I’d love to hear what’s coming up for you—the good, the messy, and everything in between. Drop a comment below or send me a message. Let’s keep it real.